Want to hear a dirty joke?
A kid fell in the mud.

Want to hear a clean joke?
The kid took a bath.

"Cleanliness is next to godliness."

-English Proverb

"Cleanliness is next to impossible."

-Author Unknown

"Cleanliness is next to goodliness."

-Beaumont (Nathan Thomas Taylor)

"One keep-clean is better than ten make-cleans."

-Author Unknown

One-Liner And Quotation Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/6795267

"Above all things, keep clean. It is not necessary to be a pig in order to raise one."

-Robert Ingersoll

Pig Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/7875743

“Why Dirt Is Good” is a book by Mary Ruebush. Microbiology and immunology teacher Mary Ruebush demonstrates a lively mastery of her subject, providing an education in immunology and explaining good germs.

Book Humor
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/6682893

Please add your humor to this discussion topic. Thanks! ;-}

A bit of muck never hurt anyone

Yorkshire saying.

Excellent, Cutanea! :-)

They say a little dirt will never hurt you.You eat a pound of dirt by the time you die.

They say a little dirt will never hurt you.You eat a pound of dirt by the time you die.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.
Phyllis Diller

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
Phyllis Diller

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
Erma Bombeck

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
Erma Bombeck

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
Erma Bombeck

Ten Rules of Housekeeping

1. Vacuuming too often weakens the carpet fibers. Say this with a serious face, and shudder delicately whenever anyone mentions Carpet Fresh.

2. Dust bunnies cannot evolve into dust rhinos when disturbed. Rename the area under the couch "The Galapagos Islands" and claim an ecological exemption.

3. Layers of dirty film on windows and screens provide a helpful filter against harmful and aging rays from the sun. Call it an SPF factor of 5 and leave it alone.

4. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduces the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, "What? And spoil the mood?"

5. In a pinch, you can always claim that the haphazard tower of unread magazines and newspapers next to your chair provides the valuable Feng Shui aspect of a tiger, thereby reducing your vulnerability. Roll your eyes when you say this.

6. Explain the mound of pet hair brushed up against the doorways by claiming you are collecting it there to use for stuffing handsewn play animals for underprivileged children.

7. If unexpected company is coming, pile everything unsightly into one room and close the door. As you show your guests through your tidy home, rattle the door knob vigorously, fake a growl and say, "I'd love you to see our Den, but Fluffy hates to be disturbed and the shots are SO expensive."

8. If dusting is REALLY out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist that "THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes..."

9. Don't bother repainting. Simply scribble lightly over a dirty wall with an assortment of crayons, and try to muster a glint of tears as you say, "Junior did this the week before that unspeakable accident... I haven't had the heart to clean it..."

10. Mix one-quarter cup pine-scented household cleaner with four cups of water in a spray bottle. Mist the air lightly. Leave dampened rags in conspicuous locations. Develop an exhausted look, throw yourself onto the couch, and sigh, "I clean and I clean and I still don't get anywhere..."