A Laughter Club Community Group
We would like to invite you to join our group! A Laughter Club is for people who understand just how serious a matter humor is to one's survival and even to one's success in life. We share jokes, riddles, short stories, and other laughter-provoking thoughts. We have one simple rule: If you wouldn't say it to a child because it contains inappropriate...
"Heavier than air flying machines are impossible."
-Lord Kelvin (mathematician, physicist, and president of the British Royal Society, speaking in 1895)
-Lord Kelvin (mathematician, physicist, and president of the British Royal Society, speaking in 1895)
Pilot: What?
Seemed a bicycle crossed with a kite.
They predicted – rash pair!
It would fly through the air!
And what do you know? They were Wright!
-Author Unknown
Limericks
www.dailystrength.org/groups/laughterclub/discussions/messages/4541752
1. “As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.
2. “Last one off the plane must clean it.”
3. After landing: “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
4. After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced, “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as can be, everything has shifted.”
5. From a Southwest Airlines employee: “Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. If it works just like every other seatbelt and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised. In the event of sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with two small children, decide now which one you love more.”
6. “Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest Airlines.”
7. Pilot: “Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It’s a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.
8. Another flight attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
9. An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his airship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a “Thanks for flying XYZ airline.” He said that in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, “Sonny, did we land or were we shot down?”
10. Part of a flight attendant’s arrival announcement: “We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of us here at U.S. Airways.