There are men out there who will respect us and not only be out for sex. The sex will just be an added benefit to a caring relationship. You just have to find a man that is sensitive and that will treat you with respect. My advice is no sex until you get to know the person and truly care about each other.I suffered from dyspareunia for many years.... Just try to think about the natural aspects of sex and not tying any painful emotions in with that. It is only natural because we are all animals and have a primal need for it.

hi,i too have feeling like that...that all men are dogs..basically i dont date,im 46 i went a year w-out one single date,then dated a crazy man for 3 mnths,broke up with him and its been a year and 5 months since dating,not so much as a lunch date or phone calls,so deff no sex!

i am fine with it..but my self esteem is to blame a bit,i feel fat,ugly,old and disabled,like i cant bring happiness to a man so why bother..im save....thats how i feel

i meant im "safe"....im sorry i didnt give you advice,at this time,i have none because i feel like you,sorry

big hugs
amy

Oh yea...I HAD this problem, too! Like many other child abuse survivors, I went out into adulthood and became a serial victim of abusive jerks. Each abusive situation I endured reinforced my belief that there was not a single decent person out there in the world.....or I was just unloveable. My feelings of defectiveness were so ingrained that I couldn't accept a compliment about anything from anyone.

As I said, I HAD this problem. I've actually made a lot of strides to overcome it. I still fight certain aspects of that sense of defectiveness, but its getting better every day.

I had to employ the "Fake It 'til You Make It" theory at first. Instead of assuming the world was full of assholes (excuse my language), I would literally have to pretend it wasn't. So, when someone thanked me for something I did, I would simply say, "Your welcome," whether I believed they were sincere or not. If someone complimented me, I stopped dismissing it and started saying, "Thank you," whether I believed it or not. And let me tell you, when I first started doing this....it took a massive effort to stop saying things like, "Oh, I didn't do anything really." or "Ok, if you say so."

I was really out of touch with what was just a compliment and what was an actual sexual advance. My ability to read what a guy wanted was seriously impaired by a long chain of events that left me feeling utterly inept in every way. But I wanted to get over it, because quite honestly, I didn't want to push away a nice guy, IF he did exist. I longed to be cared for and loved just like everyone else.

The faking thing ultimately led me to see that sometimes I did deserve appreciation and compliments. How I feel about me isn't necessarily what the rest of the world sees. So, if a man compliments me, he's seeing me through a different set of lenses....his eyes, his life experience. His opinion is subjective to what he likes and finds attractive or admirable....not to what I think of myself. He's not inside my head. And I'm not inside his, so it isn't fair to dismiss what a man says to me just because I don't feel the same way about myself. When I had that little epiphany, saying thank you felt more natural and more real, because now I was beginning to appreciate the fact other people have the right to their opinion. The next thing I knew....it really started to feel good to be complimented......especially when I was being complimented on something that I was afraid was a bad trait of mine. I then started questioning my own opinions of myself. And that led me to finding beauty in who I am and what I look like.

As you can see....its a journey. It takes time. But it also takes effort and a willingness to give others the benefit of the doubt.

I eventually met a really nice guy. I had a really hard time believing him. I even tried to get rid of him, but I just couldn't come up with a really valid excuse. And believe me, I tried!! I'm now engaged to that man and I love him to the depth of my soul....and I know without a doubt, he loves me that much, too.

awwww jilliebean...you made me cry....you are beutiful inside and out...i hope to get to where you are ...the only thing i can do is say thankyou to a compliment and truly accept that he or she means it but trusting past that..im not there...thankyou for sharing about yourself..bravo!!!!!!!

As a man, I think that it's ok to protect yourself from men who have hidden agendas. However, it's not healthy to treat every single man the same way simply making the assumption that every one of us is full of it.

There are a number of men who are kind and respectful. As tempted as I am to point out all the things I notice about women, I cannot say "I don't believe or trust women". Why? Why should I blame the entire billions of women in the planet because of one or two that are crazy? I find it healthier to sharpen my bs detecting skills. And I have become better at that. That is something that comes with experience in life. But giving up, IMo isn't beneficial in the long run. For now I definitely believe that it's normal to protect yourself.

billiejean71 good reply... i guess i need to fake it till i make it...Thanks I will try .