It is almost 12am where I live. I live in a nice area of a USA city. My area is typically quiet and the neighbors are for the most part pleasant. The houses are small and very close to each other so noise is something most neighbors try to keep down. That is, except the neighbors I have in the house behind mine. For a few years I have been enduring and dealing with a bunch of entitle young kids that live in that house and seem to get pleasure out of picking up on people. It feels really bad, especially in a night like tonight when I need to sleep and they have a party going.

I know that I am a survivor of abuse, have ocd and PTSD, but I am intelligent and sane enough to know when some people are in fact attacking me, and I think they are. Every day they seem to attempt to do something to make me feel uncomfortable in my own house. They start playing with lights on my window, play drums all evening, and when I have my window open they send smoke to my room, and now they are having a party right by my window. They are very inconsiderate. I feel like I am doing the right thing by just ignoring them. Tonight I find it very difficult, though since I can't sleep and they are certainly not helping.

I don't know for sure what to do if they continue escalating in their aggressiveness. They seem to want to start something and I am very afraid of dealing with them. The only time I said something was when I found a lot of cigarette butts in my yard and I asked them nicely not to throw them in my yard. They stopped, but since then they seem to want to start looking for some kind of problem and want to make my life a living hell.

I know that neighbor disputes can and have even ended up in court, and in some cases there have been deaths. I certainly have no interest in anything other than living in the home that took me so much work to find and earn. This is the first time I have lived in one stable place for years without moving. It has been hard for me to bring some stability in my life, so the last thing that I'd like to have is people who want to make me feel like unwanted in my own home.

This brings a lot of my issues with anxiety, being bullied and abused. It brings back the memories of powerlessness and the dreadful feeling of helplessness that I as an abuse survivor know all too well.

I guess I just have to remind myself that I am in no way, shape or form responsible for the choice that those idiots make of being bad neighbors. That doesn't help me sleep, but makes me feel better. I find solace in the fact that I know that I am not helpless, and that I am in fact doing what an honorable person does. Also I know that I am definitely not the only neighbor they are hurting. The entire block hears them. This isn't happening because I deserve such disrespect. I only hope that it stops at some point. It has been years of me enduring their stupid and pathetic attempts at having me try to respond to their noise.

I don't know what kind of support I need for this. It helps me posting about this, instead of acting it out in unhealthy ways.

Does anyone confront situations that resemble abuse and bring these dreadful feelings of helplessness?