A Child Abuse Survivors Group Community Group
We survived child abuse, but the pain still remains and so do the other effects which can last a lifetime. We are often unable to find adequate help, and we are seeking answers that can help us understand what happened so that we can go on to lead normal lives. (Please note that this is a group for child abuse survivors only. If you are a professional in the mental health...
People who have endured abuse and trauma may sometimes not feel good about themselves. When people don't feel good about themselves, they often don't take good care of themselves. They may not practice good grooming, good hygiene, and make sure they get enough but not too much food, sleep, and water. They may dress poorly and have poor posture. They may live in places that really aren't suitable for them, hold jobs that are beneath their true abilities, and find themselves surrounded by people who aren't capable of genuine friendship and aren't capable of having other types of relationships. People who have endured abuse and trauma may have low self-esteem and lack self-confidence.
What can we do to take good care of ourselves?
What can we do to take good care of ourselves?
I do have my health to deal with so I am walking more, eating better food, or at least, trying to do that. I check up with my dr at least every three months and get my blood work done to monitor my diabetes. I read inspirational and positive literature and get the help I need when necessary. For example this group.
I keep myself clean at all times, my body and my home. I do not have the latest styles but I am comfortable in my own skin and wear clothes that fit me. I am not rich by any means but that's ok too. I make do with what I have and appreciate my life overall. I started doing all these things years ago and have had setbacks and grappled with depression. I cope ok though.
And I surround myself with friends and peers that are optimistic. I treat others the way I want to be treated and if I am abused in any way, I hit the road. It's that simple.
Even though I do all these things, it doesn't mean it is easy. I have to work hard some days and other times it just flows well. But that works for me. It is a lifestyle if you will.
Thanks Beaumont and have a fantastic day folks, Many many thanks for all your support. You are all wonderful and I am glad to have you in my life.
Hugs
Linda :)
Thus, self-care is necessary, but foreign, for the more we practice self-care the more awareness we have of why we had never learned it. And the sad childhood must be rebuild from a new adult presence of self-protection.
Self-care is an awesome journey and well worth the effort. Not only is the physical body happier, but the rusty and dull mental/emotional/spiritual antenna's are sharpened to feel-good levels.
Thanks, Beaumont, for the topic; a subject of which never gets old.
I'm not sure how to repair what's wrong inside me. I've been trying for a lifetime with only limited success. But I have learned that you have to take care of yourself...or wind up on a downward spiral that takes you to a very dark place.
I exercise every morning and try to do something strenuous every day too. I've raised a garden and I eat lots of fresh veggies every day. I think that has helped me with my chronic illness and with my coping skills too. Sitting around feeling sorry for myself got me nowhere, I try not to do that anymore. Hoping someone is going to come along and lead us out our troubles is a dead-end street too, I think.
As a kid we are dependent so it is natural to see THEM as what makes our world spin safely or not. I grew up on the outside with wrinkles to prove it, but the kid on the inside was still blaming, and like you, heretic, waiting for someone to love me. For my entire 20s, I sucked people dry with this tick thinking in looking for my host animal to replace in me what THEY did not give me. Welllll, I'm here to tell you that other adults are not replacement parents and resent being put in that role. Nor are they God. They are okay with the friend role, but that's it, which is reasonable. Ohhhhh, so that means is if I don't care about myself, then why should they? If I have nothing to bring into the friendship, how can the friendship be reciprocal? Their natural instinct was to RUN; and then I felt rejected. Again and again and again. And not realizing I had rejected them long before they had rejected me. How? By not following the timeless truths of what makes a friendship work. And that was for this tick to get off the dog.
Even though changing that tired routine made sense to me finally, I still couldn't give up blaming because there was no replacement word? Ahhh, then I found the word: owning. I began by owning the care of myself. On the inside. I learned to take my adult self to that little girl self, HEAR and protect her and integrate those two selves into one package. It took money. Yes, money for meds, therapy, and eventually internet service so I could google myself to wellness through word definitions and support groups.
I don't bypass any feeling, positive or negative. I work a chart in my head (message me if you want it) of good coping tools, even self-pity of which I LOVE for 30 minutes. Then I move on from the blame game into owning what I have now realized, thanks to self-pity doing its job.
Self-care is seeing the negative and m-o-v-i-n-g on. Self care wrestles with cynicism. Giving up cynicism takes hope and hope means discernment and discernment means becoming responsible for my decisions and decisions mean success AND failure and failure means ..... drum roll.....learning from my mistakes and moving on like every other adult in the world. OMGosh, that feels good but is so hard to practice in the beginning. Key word: practice. Keep on it until the "vision" slides into place.
We've all been there and are all here to help.
And believe me when I say...I do know, it's far from being easy. Here's another quote that you see sometimes on walls..."The difficult we do right away...the impossible takes a little longer." I like old sayings, they inspire me and I repeat them to myself when I get discouraged. You can find hundreds of inspirational sayings online.
So alone is where it's at right now, even though I'm still afraid of being a recluse again. I'm too close to it right now and it's scary. But it's better than hanging out with someone just to avoid being alone when that someone is treating me bad . . . I don't want that anymore.
Why can't I find nice people to hang around? People who are considerate, respectful of others, and maybe even kind. There are people like that all around me.
Truth is, nice people are dangerous. They're likeable, they're nice, they're considerate and all the rest of it. So what's wrong? Partly I don't believe they're real. How can people actually BE that nice? They must be hiding something! The REAL person comes out when they get you alone, and the niceness is just a veneer. Of course, that's usually not true, but something inside my head seems to believe it, because I can't trust them.
Also, nice people seem to instinctively know that I'm "not nice." It's like you can't altogether hide the fact that something's wrong. I can't act like them, I can't--I've tried and tried.
Better to be alone, for now.
I've decided that the next is food intake. I have to work on redirection not punitive approaches where I end up eating what I shouldn't in defiance of some part of my self. I also need to understand the need to overdo it - what am I getting from it.
I think processes like these that we all do are the foundations of self care.