Hello everyone:

As some of you that know a little about me know, I have been working very hard for decades now in recovering from abuse from pretty much every adult that crossed my path when i was growing up. It has been quite a process; in fact, I know it's a lifetime process, so I don't expect to be able to say that I am completely free of the effects of abuse any time soon.

That said, there have been many dramatic changes in my life. The sad part is that as many of you may agree, it seems like us, survivors of abuse, have to work harder to maintain a sane, sober and functional life. It doesn't seem like the world is going to congratulate me, or people around use are going to be happy for us because we have overcome so may obstacles.

Which brings me to this one event from this past Tuesday at work. I work for a nonprofit organization, and there was this event in which other organization joined to launch some initiative. There were leaders from other organizations and at least one prospect organization that can provide funding. My team and I planned our participation. Our table was to have computers and fliers and all the typical things that we bring to an open event to the public.

At the last minute, literally at 5pm on the day before, she changed the plans to carry the equipment. So the next morning there was some van to pick us up (was late by half an hour). She was late too and we didn't know that she was planning on going in the van with us. So we left her.

When we arrived, she had texted one of my coworkers a very angry text about she being left behind. She then called him and yelled that now she has to catch the subway (she makes over $100000 and can't afford a cab?). When she arrived she made such a scene. She went off on us in front of other people present, including a person that may provide us with funding. I cannot believe how low-class she went in the way she talked to us. One of us tried to pull her aside and tried to talk to calm her and she didn't want to hear it. She kept yelling and going all crazy.

That was last Tuesday. The same day that happened I felt "OK". I was actually the one who helped keeping the team going through the rest of the event. I left as soon as the things were in place, since I felt that I couldn't hear her talking to the audience like nothing had happened. After the event we met and my supervisor and the other employee said that they wanted to file grievances. I still wasn't feeling "anything".

Wednesday, my supervisor suggested that before putting anything in writing, we should try to see if we could talk with her, maybe with another person acting as a mediator (an HR person). Wednesday night was when I started feeling the anger and noticing that on Tuesday I immediately went numb.

Today the Executive Director met with my supervisor and told him that "she's pregnant, so she's emotional, and that we mistreated her, and that we were only apologizing to her for the miscommunication (that she created) but not for leaving her behind". And (here's the punch line) that we she apologize to her for the mistreatment she was submitted to.

Like if that's not enough, my supervisor told us all that as a directive, meaning that on Tuesday he was ready for a grievance, but today he turned around and wants us to enable her behavior.

I am furious of course. And here are the things that connect with my background:
1 - Scenes like that were what my father used to create in front of everyone yelling at us pretty much anywhere, especially in church.
2 - Regardless of that bitch's pregnancy, she has been doing that kind of things for over two years, and she definitely hasn't been pregnant for 2.5 years. So that's bullshit.

No one deserves this kind of treatment, but to some of us (particularly since I have PTSD) it's remarkably upsetting. I feel very abused by that immature stupid bitch, I feel that the people who are supposed to support me aren't. For the 2 1/2 years I've been working there, it has been the same pattern. She acts like an immature spoiled brat (all about her; she doesn't even have an intern), and my supervisor always seem to find some kind of either rationalization or excuse. His response is always "it's better to choose other fights', other fights that never seem to exist. He's always trying to be polite about everything, and I don't know if he has issues himself with confrontation, or if he is in it with them and wants to promote the abusive culture in that place.

So I feel very alone in this. It's very disgusting and abusive.

Thank you for reading this. I try not to play or act like a victim, but I am in fact being victimized by those people. I feel anger, I feel abuse and I feel powerless (even though I know I'm not). I don't want to roll back into abused victim mode, but I'm not sure what the right course of action here is.