I can relate to you about attracting the same type of man that was your father. The same thing was always happening to me, until I realized something. I had to change me. I went to a therapist to find out why I always attracted violent men to me, not something that I was doing on purpose. And, I found out why. My father used to violently physically attack me on a almost daily basis. After after he was done beating me up, he would always say he did this because he ''loved me''. And my mother would tell me I deserved everything I got. So, of course I was really messed up as an adult. I really thought I ''deserved'' abusive treatment. Needless to say, I had no self esteem at all, and didn't mind being a door mat, and a punching bag. I was so needy, and I was looking for love ''in all the wrong places'' as an adult searching for what I didn't get as a child. Long story short, I got involved with a very violent and dangerous individual. ( I didn't find this out till later) He went to prison for what he did to me. My point is: instead of looking for a man, find out who you are first. Find out how to keep yourself safe. Get self esteem, see a therapist, read self help books. And the most important thing is to have self love. No longer will I accept abuse from any one. I always keep myself safe. I have rights, and so do you. No one touches me if I don't want them to, if I don't feel safe with a person, either I get them away from or, I get myself to a safe place. I don't do anything because someone else tells me to. I realize this might be a little hard to understand now, but, believe me, I had to learn the hard way. It's who we pick, and why. I hope this has helped you.

Two good books are:

"The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans

and, even better,

"Why Does He do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men." by Lundy Bancroft.

It's like putting on armor to understand what they're doing and why. We can't defend ourselves when we're children, but we can learn how after we grow up.

I can relate. I've dated women who act like my mother and sister - instigating, controlling, degrading, manipulative... I've been really concentrating on getting to know other women in a variety of settings that are nothing like this. I find for me that I need to change my mind in how I deal with women like this, separate the behaviors from the gender and make peace with whatever happened with whomever. Healing this, I can turn my attention to other types of people who happen to be women.