palmtrees0807

About Me

I have struggled for several years with fear, anxiety, and panic attacks, and I\'d like to share about my fears, and some of the things that have helped me. First, you obviously need to know what your fears are. Sounds simple, but it isn\'t always. My biggest fears are: 1. Losing my mind and losing control of my mind. This has never happened to me and never will, but my body sometimes completely convinces me otherwise. 2. My mom dying. 3. Getting sick in public/far from my own room/bathroom. This doesn\'t ever happen to me. I have no greater chance of getting sick than anyone else. Actually, I am pretty healthy. But EVERY time I leave my house I think at least once (usually a lot more than once) that I am starting to get sick and plan what I am going to say and how I am going to exit. 4. Riding with other people/public transportation. I\'m not afraid of other people driving (which should be the scary part!), but I am afraid when I don\'t have my car as an \"escape.\" If I can go somewhere and drive myself, I am usually okay. I\'m okay to ride somewhere relatively close by with one or two other people that I know would leave if I wanted to. 5. Dating/Marriage/Having children Next, you need to understand why you have these fears. To find the root of your fears is sometimes hard. If that is the case, try to start with something you know you\'re afraid of happening. Then say, \"what would happen if that happened?\" or \"what\'s the big deal about that happening?\" and keep going and keep going all the way down to the root. My fears seem to boil down to fear of being alone. (Which is interesting, because my fears have brought a lot of loneliness and isolation in my life.) For example, let\'s take my fear of riding in the car with someone. -Why is that scary? -I could have a panic attack and desperately want to leave but not have a way to get home. -What\'s the big deal about that happening? -Obviously that would suck. A lot. It would be miserable. -But let\'s go deeper, what is really the worst that could happen if that happened? -People would see me shaking and crying and whatever other physical ways my stupid panic attack manifests itself. -What\'s the big deal about that happening? -People would label me as a \"weirdo\" or \"psycho\" and not want anything to do with me and EVERYONE would find out so I would have nobody that wants anything to do with me. -What\'s wrong with that? -I would be alone. Try to dig down to the root of your fears and worries that control your life. I have had a great deal of counseling and counselors and taken medication and read several books about the topic. I am still battling anxiety, but here are some of the things that have helped me: 1. The book \"When Panic Attacks\" by Dr. David Burns, the story around page 160 or so. I have spent soooo much time thinking that I am going to lose my mind. I will think I came really close and just barely made it without losing my mind. I\'ll be really tired and feel like my mind is slipping away and that I will be a looney-bird in a mental institution somewhere pretty soon. It took several years for me to realize that losing my mind was the underlying fear for a lot of my anxiety, and I have NO idea when or how it started. Anyway, there is a story in the book where Dr. Burns has a patient that thinks she is constantly about to \"crack up\" and go crazy. So Dr. Burns told her that in his office, with a hospital close by, would be a good place to try. He told her to go ahead and lose it! Go completely crazy and crack up. After some convincing, she tried. She tried and tried and ran around acting like a lunatic trying to lose her mind. After awhile, she realized, she had never felt more in control of her mind than when she was trying to go crazy! She had spent several years thinking that at any minute she was about to lose it, it was only a matter of time. When she gave herself permission and tried to purposefully go crazy, she couldn\'t! The paragraph that changed my life is on page 160. \"People with panic attacks don\'t actually go crazy. They just worry about going crazy. People who really are psychotic, such as individuals suffering from schizophrenia, don\'t worry about going crazy. They\'re convinced they\'re completely sane and think the FBI is plotting against them with secret electronic devices. In other words, they think everyone else is nuts.\" There are so so so many great exercises in his life-changing book, but that was the one story that really gave me freedom. When I\'ve told counselors I\'m afraid of losing my mind, one of them said, \"Where do you think it will go?\" and one said, \"How would you know if you did lose your mind?\" 2. Anything I can do to belittle and make fun of my fears. One way to do this also comes from the When Panic Attacks book. I picture a silly little cartoon character sitting on my shoulder, sarcastically telling my in a high-pitched cartoon-y voice, \"Something bad is going to happen if you leave the house hehehe.\" Try to think of something funny that could happen as a result of your fear coming true. For example, I heard a counselor say one time that he told one of his clients to loudly yell \"I\'m going crazy!\" in public. People mostly ignored him and one person gave him a high five and said, \"Me too!\" I also like to hear about other people\'s ridiculous fears and realize that mine are also just other ridiculous fears. For example, if I hear that someone is scared of driving over a bridge, I think, \'that\'s ridiculous, just drive over a bridge and see that it\'s not dangerous and you survive and get over it!\" There are lists and names of bizarre fears that we\'ve never heard of, from garden gnomes to birds, and we laugh and think of it as a weird, silly little fear. People hear my fears and think that too. If I tell someone I am completely terrified to go on a date, they have every right to think \'That\'s a silly little fear. Just go on a date and get over it and see that it\'s not scary!\" You might be thinking that now. Think about someone else\'s fear and how ridiculous it is, and then use the same words to your own fear. On the bright side, there are things that you do that other people would be insanely afraid of. I teach high schoolers. Most of the population would be terrified to do that. But, yet, I\'m scared of using public transportation, something that millions of people use every day. Think about someone else\'s fear and how unjustified it sounds, and then think about your fear. Could someone say the same thing about your fear? I remember when I first was \"diagnosed\" with anxiety and panic attacks, I automatically thought I had to keep it a secret and not tell my judgmental high school friends. I lived in fear of their judgment. Over time, I started telling them, and learned what a little deal it was to them! I would get all nervous and think, I\'m finally going to tell so-and-so the big, huge life-changing diagnosis, I have anxiety. A few times when I told my friends, they said something like, \"Oh, okay. So what did you get for number 2 on your math homework?\" A lot of people don\'t think panic attacks are a big deal, and for those of us who have experienced one, we are thinking, \'I felt like I was DYING, how is that not a big deal?!\' But we can use their lack of understanding to our advantage. If other people don\'t think it\'s a big deal, then we might can convince ourselves that it\'s not a big deal. So much of my anxiety (and your\'s to probably) is fear of what others think. But I\'ve learned that people are very selfish, and worry about what you are thinking of them, and not what they are thinking of you. I have also learned that absolutely not one person who has ever lived has been liked by everyone. All amazing and impressive YouTube videos have dislikes and negative comments along with the positive. Even Jesus is probably the most hated person of all time and was killed by his own people. Is the root of any of your fears or worries a fear of what people will think? Imagine there were no people to judge you. Would you still have that fear? 3. Relaxation time. There are thousands of guided relaxation/meditation videos on YouTube to listen to and follow along. I try to frequently take 5 minute worry breaks. I allow myself five minutes with NO worries. It sounds easy and like something we do all the time. But those of us with anxiety don\'t ever go 5 minutes without worrying. Play some relaxing music and relax the muscles in your body. The tricky part is to not worry about the worries that pop into your head. And, trust me, they will pop in your head! I found myself worrying that the way my hand was bent will cause Carpel Tunnel one day and several other worries. It will not work if you fight them. You have to watch the worries come in and then just dismiss them. Don\'t judge them, just say the word \"dismiss\" and think of something else. Allow yourself a 5 minute break with absolutely no worries, and more importantly, no judgements about the thoughts you are having. The idea is to make the 5 minutes last longer and longer until it is a permanent state of mind. (Not sure if that would ever happen!). Similarly, you can take worry breaks with the opposite purpose. Allow yourself five minutes to get your worrying over with, and know that the five minutes is the ONLY time you can worry. Throughout the day, if you start to worry about something, put it on a list and make a note to go back and worry about it during your worry break. A lot of times, you will forget about it and never end up worrying about it! 4. On the opposite end of the spectrum, you can try to use the \"rush\" that some panic attacks give you to your advantage. People pay money to go on scary roller coaster rides or watch thriller movies to experience the same adrenaline rush that we get for free out of the blue. I had a major panic attack at my high school prom and called my mom telling her I was miserable. I said I felt drunk or something (I\'m not sure why I said that, I had never and I still haven\'t experienced that...that\'s too close to something that might make me lose control of my mind so that would be wayyy out of my comfort zone!). Mom said, \"Well that\'s a good thing! Go dance and act like you\'re drunk and enjoy yourself!\" I had a wise metaphorical moment when I was boogie boarding in the ocean. After a semi-traumatic boogie boarding experience I was scared to do it again. I kept trying to start riding the wave, but instead fought it, which was very challenging. After several times, I finally caught a wave and rode it in. I realized that it is so much easier to just ride the wave than fight it. If you feel a wave of panic coming on, maybe it will help if you just \"ride it\" for a few minutes instead of fight it. A rush of adrenaline doesn\'t have to be a bad thing. 5. I am a Christian, and can\'t possibly imagine living through anxiety and panic attacks without God. I probably actually would be in a mental institution from panic attacks if it weren\'t for having some (though often not enough) faith that God has a plan and is in control. God surprisingly spoke to me through a children\'s show called Sea Rescue. It comes on ABC on Saturday mornings and I have watched it a few times. There are teams who rescue sea creatures that have gotten themselves into trouble. These creatures are alone and scared and unable to help themselves for various reasons. They resist help from the rescuers, and finally are \"caught.\" Like these creatures, I start swimming down the wrong path and get caught in a current of thoughts until I am at a scary, lonely place. Like the rescue team, God has a completely different way of thinking and much more power than I have for the plan he uses to lead me to freedom. I watch these animals, being pulled out of the water with huge nets and put on a boat, and I know they must be thinking their life is over. They must be completely terrified, because they don\'t have the brain capacity to know that even though it seems that they are facing death, they are actually on the path to freedom and healing. As panic attack sufferers, the path we must allow God to rescue us using what seems like the scariest and most unknown and uncomfortable option, if that\'s His plan. The path to freedom might be unfathomable to our human minds and extremely scary. 6. You knew this was coming. The only way to overcome fears is to face them. Plain and simple. If you are afraid of driving by yourself to the grocery store, you have to do it. You can read books & blogs about anxiety, you can talk about your fears to counselors or friends, but you won\'t overcome it unless you actually do it. If the fears that are limiting your life are something that you can DO, you need to just do it. However, some fears can\'t be faced. My fear of losing my mom is not something I can just face today if I wanted to. For fears like that, you have to worry about it when you get there. We have all faced scary things in our lives that we had no warning of. If I try to think of the scariest and worst possible situation that could happen to me (having my entire family die in an accident) it would do no good to worry about it before hand. We\'ve also all had times that we have worried and worried about something for a long period of time and it turned out to be nothing (I once worried for weeks about going to a concert. The whole drive there I was thinking of excuses to go back home, back to my comfort zone. As soon as we got there, the tickets were sold out). Think back on a time when something scary happened to you but you didn\'t worry about it at all beforehand. Think of a time when you worried excessively about something that turned out to be nothing. You probably will say, \"worrying is worthless, \" but five minutes later will start worrying about something, like I do. Well, at least start by trying to identify when you are worrying, what you are worrying about, and how you think the worrying will help you/prepare you for something. My Dad worries constantly about keys, and the next move he will make. Every time he drives home from somewhere, he seems to spend the entire drive planning his exit from the car, which door he will go in, and which key he will use, and where any and all spare keys are. He often calls when he gets close to home asking for someone to unlock the door or open the garage. It\'s ridiculous to me...why can\'t he just worry about it when he gets home?!! I see it as a metaphor for several things I worry about in life that I need to just worry about when I get there. I\'ll find the key and get into the house somehow! What is something that you worry about that you think you can somehow prepare for by worrying (Or as we like to call it, planning)? How much more freedom would you experience if you just put off the worrying until you got there? Are the 30 minutes of a drive home worth wasting on worrying for the 10 seconds you might save when you get home? 7. Overcoming all-or-nothing thinking in the battle with panic attacks. Some people who struggle with anxiety see things in black-and-white. We go awhile without a panic attack and think we are totally cured and will never have another one. Then, we suddenly have a panic attack and get SO mad at ourselves because we were doing so well there and this means we failed and will never be cured of panic attacks and it\'s ALL OUR FAULT. Sometimes, we need to realize that we will always struggle with some form of anxiety. We will go through highs and lows with it, but we can\'t look at it as all-or-nothing. Look at it instead as struggling with worrying and anxiety either a little at the moment or a lot at the moment. Maybe your goal needs to be to struggle with anxiety as little as possible, instead of having an unrealistic goal of never having another anxious moment. That will take off a lot of pressure, and panic attacks are usually caused by putting pressure on yourself. So move forward and find things that keep YOUR fears and worries from running your life. Maybe none of the things I\'ve shared may be what will help you, but hopefully you can at least find hope in the fact that I\'ve overcome many fears and haven\'t had a panic attack in over two years!!! This is not to say that I have not had anxiety in two years...I definitely still have. On your journey to freedom from fears, you may overcome them completely. You may overcome them as much as is possible to keep them from running your life. For some of us, that second option sounds pretty darn good too.