Yummy Yummy in my tummy ;0)

So took my Herbs for the first time this morning! Ohhhh yummy-goodness – not quite! Actually smells and tastes a bit like CRAZY STRONG Indian/Mediterranean Curry, which mind you I like but not in so intense and concentrated way and not first thing in the morning. I also put it into about 6+ ounces of warm water which seemed like a good ratio to the 5 ounces of herbs BUT that makes it about 6+ gulps which is a little tough, I think I might cut it down a bit and make it closer to a shot. If that doesn’t work I’ll have to think of a strong fruit juice that might accompany the “curry-like” and add a bit of that to it. Either way I’ll figure out a way of taking it damnit!   I’m really becoming quiet concerned about the Endo. I still have to see AF and I’m now CD 36, I can’t remember ever going this long. It’s just freaking me out a bit, I know that doesn’t help, I’m remembering the pain I was in before I was diagnosed but problem is I can’t remember how it all began. I didn’t know what was wrong so it must have taken sometime to built to the level of pain where I had had a full nights sleep in three months and I was throwing up with every period but I don’t know. Hindsight in this case is not exactly 20/20 so I can only guess and the fact is that the symptoms I’m having now are reminding me too much of how I felt then so I see what could be coming and it’s scarring the crap out of me. Logically I know we’ll get it before it gets to that point but how far in am I really? Plus, I think I’m truly annoyed by the fact I’m in a waiting period where I’m,  in theory, supposed to be feeling better and myself without all the IF drugs and hormones etc and I’m not, I feel like crap! I’m trying to be strong and rational but sometimes like the last couple of days it’s just getting to me. I also think its pre-Lupron jitters, I’ve been fine going on it during the beginning of a cycle but this is different, this is full blown and it was hard the first time around, something deep inside me felt wrong I was 28 and shutting down my reproductive system, I didn’t feel whole. Now at 34+ and married and “trying” I just think it might hit me like a brick to the head. I know that most if not all of what we go through it terrible unnatural but this feels/seems to “jump the shark”, it’s what I need to do just like everything else but as it all gets closer and I’m feeling crappier I’m also feeling a bit fragile. Hoping getting that out might help bring me back to center.