You were in my dreams last night
I had the most beautiful dream last night.
I remember telling my hubby how I hadn't even dreamed of my precious little Alexa and if it was because she didn't want me as her mommy? Well last night she answered my question!
I dreamed that I was holding two precious little girls in my arms. One of them was around 1 1/2 years old and looked so much like me when I was little. She had the most adorable, most precious cheeks! I remember dressing her in the cutest little dress that was two sizes too small. I laughed as I struggled to get it on her and remembered that I knew I had the cutest white leggings for her somewhere...then I look to my left and I'm holding another precious little newborn in my arms and I just knew it was my sweet Alexa! Oh how beautiful you are my little girl! I knew it was her especially since she was wearing a cute little onesie that is sitting in her nursery... These little girls brought so much joy into my dreams that I couldn't help but smile when I awoke. I smiled! I told my husband about it as soon as I woke up and he said that maybe we're going to be blessed with another sweet little girl in our near future. I can't help but hold on to the hope that maybe he's right...Oh please God, if you can hear me...let him be right.
My heart aches for my little girl each and every minute of every day and I can't help but ask why me? I also realize that I probably will never have an answer to that question and all I can possibly do is accept. Accept that this has happened to me. Accept that I will always think of her. Accept that I will always carry this grief in my heart. Accept that one day...maybe one day...it will get better.
I have never been a religious person but I have always believed in God. I find myself questioning Him each and every day. And as I question him and so many other things I can only be sure of one thing. The only thing that I will never question and always have faith in is my husband and the love we have for each other. He has been the biggest support during such a tragic time, during a time in which he has lost a child as well. He hurts as much as I do. His heart aches as much as mine. When I'm weak and falling apart he's strong...when he's weak and falling apart I remain strong. All we can do is lean on each other and hope and believe in the fact that it's going to get easier. I just couldn't do it without him and am so thankful to have such a wonderful husband.
I miss Alexandria terribly but also know that my husband needs me. We need each other. We need to be strong. We need to be able to smile again. We need to survive. I miss you my sweet angel and I hope you continue to bless me in my dreams. I love you Alexandria.
I remember telling my hubby how I hadn't even dreamed of my precious little Alexa and if it was because she didn't want me as her mommy? Well last night she answered my question!
I dreamed that I was holding two precious little girls in my arms. One of them was around 1 1/2 years old and looked so much like me when I was little. She had the most adorable, most precious cheeks! I remember dressing her in the cutest little dress that was two sizes too small. I laughed as I struggled to get it on her and remembered that I knew I had the cutest white leggings for her somewhere...then I look to my left and I'm holding another precious little newborn in my arms and I just knew it was my sweet Alexa! Oh how beautiful you are my little girl! I knew it was her especially since she was wearing a cute little onesie that is sitting in her nursery... These little girls brought so much joy into my dreams that I couldn't help but smile when I awoke. I smiled! I told my husband about it as soon as I woke up and he said that maybe we're going to be blessed with another sweet little girl in our near future. I can't help but hold on to the hope that maybe he's right...Oh please God, if you can hear me...let him be right.
My heart aches for my little girl each and every minute of every day and I can't help but ask why me? I also realize that I probably will never have an answer to that question and all I can possibly do is accept. Accept that this has happened to me. Accept that I will always think of her. Accept that I will always carry this grief in my heart. Accept that one day...maybe one day...it will get better.
I have never been a religious person but I have always believed in God. I find myself questioning Him each and every day. And as I question him and so many other things I can only be sure of one thing. The only thing that I will never question and always have faith in is my husband and the love we have for each other. He has been the biggest support during such a tragic time, during a time in which he has lost a child as well. He hurts as much as I do. His heart aches as much as mine. When I'm weak and falling apart he's strong...when he's weak and falling apart I remain strong. All we can do is lean on each other and hope and believe in the fact that it's going to get easier. I just couldn't do it without him and am so thankful to have such a wonderful husband.
I miss Alexandria terribly but also know that my husband needs me. We need each other. We need to be strong. We need to be able to smile again. We need to survive. I miss you my sweet angel and I hope you continue to bless me in my dreams. I love you Alexandria.
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