You can't complete me, he's the part that is missing

And I miss him, I miss him, I'm missing him...
Why though? Who in their right mind would miss somebody who has caused so much pain, fear, and stress in their life? I MUST not be in my right mind then, because all I want in the world is to see him. And this is where it gets better. I CANT see him because I am absolutely TERRIFIED of him. I have zero control when I'm around him, and he likes it that way. He decides when I talk, where I go, what I say, what I do. If I see him tonight, there's a chance I might die. I know that in my head yet it's all I can think about doing.
It's so hard loving someone and being terrified of them at the same time