Yet another cycle in the cruel life of IF
Here it goes...my first journal entry on DS. First off, I want to say thanks to all that have sent hugs and reached out the last few days since I posted my status update of my IUI fail. Being a newbie here, I'm inspired and touched by all the support. So I am going to my RE tomorrow for my day 3 sono and bloodwork since AF reared her ugly head. That bitch. I don't know about everyone else, but when AF starts for me, it's like light spotting....I think of it as the calm before the storm. And for almost 2 years since we've been TTC, I always go thru the same torturous head game with myself: I think well, maybe, just maybe, this isn't AF, but some early spotting or implantation bleeding. Every month its the same routine, I see some blood, I get depressed and angry, then I talk myself out of it and tell myself it might be a false alarm, then AF starts for real and I get depressed and angry all over again. Damn IF and the horrible emotional roller coaster ride it is! This month was our second IUI and although the RE said it's probably not going to work since we aren't candidates for it (we have to do 3 IUI's before insurance will help pay for IVF) I still can't help getting my hopes up. My DH is great and tells me I know better, that I shouldn't be surprised or disappointed, yet I am. I guess this is what most of us dealing with IF endure. Anyway, looks like IUI #3 will probably be right around Christmas, possibly on Christmas eve or Christmas day. Merry Christmas to us - another unnecessary procedure that will unlikely result in a BFP.
Well, there you have it, my first journal entry loaded with oh so much Christmas cheer ;) Sorry to be a debbie downer. I do want to say, congratulations to all who have had recent successes and good luck to all with upcoming procedures/appointments/anything you need good wishes for! Hugs...
Well, there you have it, my first journal entry loaded with oh so much Christmas cheer ;) Sorry to be a debbie downer. I do want to say, congratulations to all who have had recent successes and good luck to all with upcoming procedures/appointments/anything you need good wishes for! Hugs...
Replies
Hugs to you hun......
I already wrote, but DS deleted it... buttface. But wanted to say I know how you feel, and so sorry about the BFN. Every cycle brings a little bit of hope and every AF whether we did a procdure or not brings us down. Hubby\'s don\'t get it, but we do! It\'s possible for a xmas miracle!! But if not, atleast you\'re that much closer to your IVF! Hugs and hope you feel better soon!
Sorry about your BFN. I have experienced the same thing so many times and it sucks every single time. Good luck in your next IUI cycle...hoping you get that Christmas miracle!!!
Sorry for the BFN. I always get my hope up every month. Its like we forget how it was the month before so we do it every single time. I will keep holding out hope for your next IUI and that maybe, just maybe it will work and you wont have to worry about IVF! xoxo
SO sorry...she is a total BITCH!....It is a long and winding roller coaster..hang in there..
I\'m so sorry about your BFP. We are on the same time line, got AF on Friday and we are trying naturally until I get the call for IVF 2. I\'m still debating if I\'ll POAS on dec 31st. It sucks that you have to keep on trying just to get insurance coverage when you know it won\'t work even if I\'m sure you are happy about having coverage. The ups and downs are hard. my boobs are so sore right now and AF lasted 2 days and was light so I\'m fighting with myself not to POAS. I know it\'s a no but I still hope for a miracle like you.
Hope you are wrong and that IUI 3 works !
Good luck
I am so sorry to hear about your BFN! Here is to hoping that third time is the charm! I will send positive thoughts your way and keep my fingers crossed for your Christmas miracle! Best of luck
Hugs
So sorry but you need to look at this third IUI as a possibility and if not you are that much closer to a procedure that will give you better odds. I play that game every month as well as it just doesn\'t get easier. Having hope is a good thing. It\'s when all hope is lost that I think we really have to worry. Hoping you get a Christmas miracle and start 2013 off on a very positive note. I\'m officially in the 2ww after trying the past two days naturally. I will get AF Christmas Eve and will try really hard not to let it get me down. 2013 needs to bring us all BFP news! Xoxo
Hugs on your first journal. May the next be working toward a new cycle and new beginnings. 2013 is the year of babies (so I say----and if not for me for my DS girlfriends)
I was so surprised to read ur journal and I felt that you were writing the journals based on my feelings.. I feel exactly the same way .. I am so sorry about how u feel.. Hope that this time, it works for you...
Thanks, ladies for the great words of support! Off to see my RE in a few hours for tests so they can confirm the BFN - BOOO! Of course, there is like .001% of me that is sooo hoping I just have heavy spotting, but I know better :( I will just wait for my 3rd IUI and pray for a christmas miracle. HUGS to all
Aw shucks. Sorry. I\'m glad you have insurance coverage though because every bit helps. BTW you are NOT being Debbie Downer. We are all honest with our feelings here and you are sharing and venting where you \"are\" right now - whether good or bad.
AF is such a bitch. It does seem like the whole IF process is a never ending cycle of raised, then dashed hopes. And every month, it feels like the same thing. How frustrating that you have to keep going through it. I know it\'s infuriating that you have to keep going through rounds of IUI, but like GirlAtHeart said, at least you have coverage. It is a help. And I know it\'s cliched, but it only takes one time. Of course, the real question is \"WHEN will that one time be mine?!\" Hang in there. You have lots to keep hoping, and all is not lost. You\'re not being a Debbie Downer. We\'ve all walked this very same road.