Yet Another Chapter

Again stbx is facing another issue. He has shared with me that the foot doctor is concerned and sent a small piece of bone in for a biopsy.  He also said that he is to the point where this is taking a toll on him and he is feeling depressed.  I did tell him that I do feel bad there is nothing that I can do,   But I am actually having problems now myself.

He made the comment how we can get through this.  I said I am at the point where I need to worry about and take care of myself  and that I cannot keep going like this. He did remind me how he did stick by me several years back when I had a health issue  (2 surgeries and recovery in 12 wks time.)  Unfortunately, he has selective memory-- forgets that he was not there and left me to fend for myself more often than not. 

He did also bow out for tomorrow. I said it is alright . I am getting used to it.  He did NOT want to hear that!  Said no that is not what he wants. The truth is that I got a preview of life just myself while he was in the nursing home.It was so very peaceful and I do believe just the glipmpse I needed.

I do still care and wish him no ill will  and I do worry a bit how this too may possibly make his depression worse--- but I have to care about and for myself and my own emotional  and physical health and well being. 

It is now Christmas day.  This year has been a bit different-- no tree or decorations (except a wreath on the back door) -- no cards sent or received.  I do still have the dull ache (missing Mom and Dad those loved oned who have already gone and missing the children I did never have) but it is still ok.

I  am remembering just why we do celebrate this special day.