Yet another challenging day.

Yet another challenging day, but aren't they all.  What I would give to be free of this disease.  It is so hard and I feel so trapped by my body.  I do things anyway.  I refuse to give up.  I went for a bagel, drove through the car wash, stopped to buy a new bra, and got my toe nails painted.  I am pooped.  It all took nearly 4 hours.  I am so slow.  I don't like slow.  I don't like feeling limited in what I can do.  I have somewhat lost my joy focus this summer.  I think it is easier for me during the school year because of the kids.  And I don't deviate from my pattern or duties much.  It seems harder to do the normal little daily things.  Like carrying the laundry out to the washing machine, grocery shopping, and buying a bra.  I am not a big shopper anyway, but now I really find no joy shopping.  I las 20 minutes without felling like I could trip and fall,  I have to pee all the time, and trying on clothes is challenging.  Are the pants truly to tight or has my back and stomach muscles just stopped holding me up and in.  All this being said, it hasn't been a depressing day.  Just frustrating.  People who move freely without pain just take it for granted.  I know I used to.  I use to feel pride over my physical accomplishments.  Not so much anymore.  I used to feel pretty and confident in my physical appearance.  I don't feel that way anymore either.  I feel like I disappear slowly, more and more each day.  This disease has me uber-planning.  I have to think about each step, each stop, when will I have used up my last spoon?  I love the spoon theory.  And we have dinner guests tonight.  My husband is getting off early to help.  Thanks God for that.  It is just a hard day to be in this body.  I hate people wondering what is wrong with me.  And I am seeing a college friend for the 1st time in many years.  I am a bit uncomfortable with the changes in my mobility.  Just another day in the life for those who suffer MS.