yet again
Here I am yet again writing when things are bad..... I am up to 5-6 lpm of O2 and am starting to really have trouble. I finally worked up the courage to tell the doc's that I was ready to go ahead with transplant and then they through me under the bus and say I need to have a couple of stents put in. I had an angiogram (at their request) and the cardiac dr that did it said everything looked fine, some minor blackages that you might expect in someone my age. The transplant dr's had a different opinion....so off I go to Toronto and end up having 5 stents put in because they said I had very narrow arteries. I am now on Plavix for 6 months and I am sick and nauseous all the time. So I'm wondering what happens after the 6 months are up, will they find something else that needs to be fixed or what???? They are the ones that keep telling me I shouldn't wait to long and that if I catch a cold or a chest infection it might be too much for me to handle.
I am so angry and ready to just say the hell with it and finish out my life on my terms. I can't talk to hubby or the kids about this, they want me to keep fighting and they are the only reason to consider going on. I've always managed to keep a pretty positive attitude through all this malarky but it's starting to wear me down. I don't know anymore...
Replies
I am soooo glad to see you on here. I was gone for awhile, then DS changed format and I gave up for a year, then I came back on. I've been wondering about you. I know you are a member of our "long-time sufferers club."
I am so sorry for your frustrations and setbacks caused by medical professionals. I so understand this. I'm tearing my hair out because I can't get even the slightest help in an emergency! And I pay not only for insurance, but an extra fee because doctors are opening "concierge" practices which means you pay a hefty fee for extra service. And you still get nothing. What you describe sounds like a nightmare. I just want you to know that whether it's large or small, the constant dealing with people who don't listen and don't make sense, and keep you wondering and worrying is the worst. The worst. So I might not be making much sense today, but I empathize with your situation.
If there's one thing I remember about you is that you are a fighter. You know you can't just up and leave your hubby and kids. It's the pain, stress, aggravation, and worry that you want to escape from. I have similar thoughts, but I can't leave my dogs. I don't have anyone else, but I love my dogs. That's enough to keep me around.
You vent on here anytime. Sometimes misery does love company that normal people can't provide.
Love to you,
Wolfie
So sorry to hear about the delay in your transplant! Maybe the stents will help a little during your wait. It must be very frustrating to have so much conflicting info. I hope you draw strength from your family. Just remember, Christmas is in 4 months! Then only 2 months to wait after that! LOL!
Really though, sometimes I wonder if anyone understands at all what chronic illness does to you over time. It really is tiring sometimes and for a person who has so little energy reserve like you, it only takes away even more of your energy. I guess you dont know until you have been there. I will think about you. Please keep us in the loop. We really do care.
Mary Ann
Thank you both for the encouragement. Most days I'm just fine, I still manage to live a pretty good life. I'm not home bound and I'm able to get out and do what I want for the most part. The energy levels vary day to day.....but you know all about that. I'm learning (or trying to) watercolour, I need something to occupy my time when I get to Toronto you can only read and watch tv so much before your brain goes to mush.