Yesterday Was an Odd and Very Mixed Up Day
Yesterday was Odd to say the Least ! The Reason I say that is because Early on in the Day I had a HUGE Fight with My BF that got Very Ugly - as far as the Things We said to Each Other. The Verbal Ugliness started after He flew into a Sudden Rage at Me over NOTHING, and Hit Me hard with a Big Pillow that I use under My Feet when I'm sitting in my Recliner Chair. He suddenly pulled the pillow OUT from under My Feet, and swung it HARD at Me ! That wouldn't have been such a Big Deal if it hadn't been for the FACT that I was in the Middle of writing up a Grocery List, so I had a folder in My Lap. So as soon as He HIT ME HARD with the BIG Pillow, it ended up SLAMMING the Folder into My FACE HARD ! Whether He realized this happened, or not, I have no Clue. I don't think He cared One Bit about it ! BUT.... The WEIRD Part of Yesterday was that ONCE He had calmed down... AFTER We had Our Mutual Verbal Battle !.... Then He actually suggested We Play a Game of Monopoly Together ! AND WE DID ! LOLI don't understand it.Not that long before We're sitting down at the Dinning Room Table playing a Board Game Together, We were at Each Other's Throats calling Each Other Every Name in the Book... AND I was actually telling Him REPEATEDLY... " IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT HERE SO MUCH, THEN JUST LEAVE ! I WON'T STOP YOU ! JUST LEAVE ! "I have to admit this to Myself.... It actually felt DAMN GOOD to yell that at Him ! It was very empowering for awhile there ! I did ONE Big Thing different AFTER that Argument.I DIDN'T TAKE IT BACK ! Meaning... I didn't take back when I said during the Arguement, like I have done so many Times before ! The Way I saw it, I WANT Him to think about what I said, and how Upset I was saying it... AND HOPEFULLY He'll ALSO think about HOW UPSET the CRUEL, AND VICIOUS THINGS HE SAID TO ME MADE ME !!!! Is that CRUEL of Me ???? I don't think it is... NOT after EVERYTHING He's put Me through ! AND IF He should take that Arguement to Heart, and actually start Planning on Leaving Me sometime in the Near Future... then SO BE IT ! It'll Hurt at first, of course... but I'll accept it eventually, and do my Very Best to Move On, and DEFINITELY do my Best to resist the Temptation of taking Him BACK YET AGAIN ! I KNOW for a FACT that IF / or WHEN the Day comes when He does Leave Me, that I CAN NOT TAKE HIM BACK AGAIN ! I just CAN'T DO THAT TO MYSELF ! It wouldn't be Right !For now, I'm doing what I have to... to TRY to Keep the Peace..and I'm TRYING to figure out what I should do Next.
Replies