Yesterday & today! Doing a lot better! Though still in pain!

Things went good yesterday, & great today! I was in a real bad place to start out with, but I made myself get ready & get out of here & started with the PT place! They fit me in yesterday & I barely had time to get ready & get over there! Well, I got started in the pool today! Just getting out of here & going some place like that was major good!!! It was just sooooo unbelievably relaxing!!! I haven't been this relaxed in like 3 or more years maybe!? So I had a good relaxing time there!!!  Then I was really bad sick!!! And, had to get to a doctor somewhere!? So I went by one of the MINUTE CLINICS HERE--WHERE I WOUND UP BEING THERE LIKE ALMOST 3 HRS!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!! I WAS SOOO LATE GETTING HOME BECAUSE OF THERAPY, THE DOC SHIT & THEN HAD TO GO BY THE PHARMACY ON TOP OF THAT! I WAS RUNNING A FEVER, EXHAUSTED & ABOUT TO COLASPE!!! But I did make it!Then, I had to run by MY pharmacy to get my scripts filled! I only had 2.90 to my name! I had saved it back for my pain med script! I have a 2.60 co-pay on most of my meds! 6.50 on some!? Anyway, he had written me some AB's, an inhaler, pearls, & come cough shit! And, I didn't have any money to get any of them! I almost didn't go to the doc because I didn't have the money!? But I was deathly sick & needed to, so I did! And, I thought, well, I don't know how many scripts it will be or how much it will be & I can worry about getting help for all that later! And, I knew the AB would be the two sixty! So I figured if all I could do was get that then that would be enough! So I just went for it & played it by ear! Well he perscribed me 4 scripts! And, then I had my pain script that I had to get filled too!? And, I had the co-pay for it but none of the others! So I went on in & handed them the scripts, & figured that was 90% of the battle right there! I had spent all of that time waiting & being checked out! Got my scripts! Then got over to my pharacy & gave them to them & they were being filled! So all I had left now was paying for them! And, I could put the others on hold, but I needed at least one more 2.60 to get my AB's! All the whole time I was praying about it all the way to the first one & then all the way to the second one! But esp..... while I was waiting at the second one!!! As soon as I got there my praying kicked in to high gear!!! They were filling them & in a few minutes they would be ready! Not all of them but the ones that I needed the most! Well, I looked around the store & didn't see anybody that might help!? But there were 4 woman in line to get their meds! And, I just kept thinking IF ONLY I COULD MAYBE GET ONE OF THESE LADIES TO HELP ME, WITH JUST THE ONE! I'D BE ALRIGHT! And, I just kept on looking at those ladies & then looking down & praying! I was praying that somewhere between them filling them & it being time to pay for them that God would send me somebody to help me pay for them! And, so he did!!!
And, the 1st lady had left as I was coming back there from walking around the store! Well, then I had kind of sized up the others but then set down! I was afraid to ask them!!! And, so as I was sitting there praying so hard!!!--the one lady stood in line, then got her stuff, then turned around & walked my way to leave! While standing in line & while paying for her stuff she had takend a 20 & folded it into a little square!!! She acted like she was walking on past me to leave! Then she turned back, & popped up in my face & took her hand & stuck it out & slipped it across mine! And, she looked me dead in the eye & said--HERE! NOW YOU TAKE THIS & YOU GET ALL OF THEM! OKAY! And, I was totally thrown off & in shock, & said; What!? And, she said, YOU TAKE THIS & YOU GO UP THERE & GET ALL OF YOUR MEDS NOW!!! AND, SHE JUST WALKED OFF W/O TALKING OR ANYTHING!! And, I said, BUT WAIT!!! I WANT TO THANK YOU!!! SHE SAID, JUST GO GET YOUR MEDS NOW!!! NOW GO ON!!! AND, SHE KEPT ON WALKING & DIDN'T TURN BACK! AND, I SAID--THANK YOU AGAIN AS SHE WAS WALKING & THEN I SAID AFTER HER--MAME, THAT/THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I JUST SITTING HERE PRAYING FOR!!! IT JUST BLEW MY MIND!!!! WE HAD NOT BEEN TALKING AT ALL!!! SHE DID NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE THAT I WAS THERE OR THAT SHE HAD SEEN ME!!! AND, SO I WAS JUST TOTALLY BLOWN AWAY!!! I PRAYED HARD RIGHT THERE! AND, RIGHT THERE GOD IMMEDIATELY ANSWERED MY PRAYER!!! AND, I NEVER ASKED ANY OF THEM ANYTHING!!! NOR DID I TELL ANY OF THEM ANYTHING!!! It restored my faith in God & humanity a little bit! You know!?AND, DEEP DOWN!? I WAS VERY WORRIED & UPSET ABOUT MY FRIEND! AND, I HAD BEEN PRAYING HARD ABOUT THAT TOO!!! AND, HAD JUST TALKED ABOUT HER & MY SITUTATION WITH THE GIRLS AT THE FRONT! BECAUSE ON THE WAY OUT THEY ASKED ME ABOUT ME & ABOUT MY DOG! THEY SAID, HEY! WHERE'S YOUR LITTLE BUDDY??? HE'S ALRIGHT ISN'T HE??? I DON'T SEE HIM WITH YOU, HE'S OKAY ISN'T HE??? AND, I SAID YES! AND, EXPLAINED WHY I DIDN'T HAVE HIM WITH ME TONIGHT! ABOUT PT & THE DOCTOR, ETC..... AND, I TOLD HER HOW BAD I WAS DOING! AND, SHE SAID, NOW YOU LOOK HERE HONEY!!! WE LOVE YOU HERE & THINK A LOT OF YOU!!! AND, IF YOU EVER NEED TO TALK OR EVER NEED ANYTHING YOU JUST COME RIGHT DOWN HERE & TALK TO US! AND, I SAID, OKAY! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!! THAT MEANS WONDERS TO ME!!! ESP... RIGHT NOW!!! I told them about the past week or so of tradgedies, & crisis that I had been through! I told them about how when I first found out that I had had MS from a doctor how my son had treated me terribly & how he had left!!! And, how I feared that NOW I had lost my best & only friend here! And, I told them how terribly upset I was about all of it & how I had been ready to give up, & was still in tormoil! And, then I told them that she had been having a rough time too & kind of going through her own stuff right now! And, that I felt like she had just gotten fed up with me & all my shit & what was going on with me!? And, that I felt like she had now had enough & had walked away from me! And, they said, Now you look here!!! JUST BECAUSE THINGS SEEM THAT WAY & JUST BECAUSE YOUR UPSET ABOUT IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT THE FRIENDSHIP IS OVER OR THAT SHE'S NEVER COMING BACK OR THAT YOU GUYS CAN'T STILL BE FRIENDS OR WORK THINGS OUT!!! SO YOU JUST KNOW THAT NOW & DON'T GIVE UP!!! JUST WAIT IT OUT & SEE, & JUST GIVE THINGS TIME! AND, JUST GIVE THINGS A CHANCE! BUT DON'T GIVE UP ON ANYTHING YET!!! HAVE THE FAITH!!! AND, JUST HANG IN THERE!!! SO ALL THE WAY HOME I WAS THINKING OF THAT & PRAYING ABOUT MY FRIEND & THAT I WOULD HEAR SOMETHING GOOD OR POSSITIVE FROM HER WHEN I GOT HOME! I NEEDED TO KNOW IF SHE WAS STILL OUT THERE!? IF SHE WAS STILL MY FRIEND!? IF OUR FRIENDSHIP STILL HAD A CHANCE!? AND, SO WHEN I GOT HOME, & LET THE KIDS OUT & THEN PUT THEM BACK UP FOR FEEDING THEM SUPER--WHILE THEY WERE EATING SUPER, I GOT ONLINE TO CHECK MY MAIL! I THOUGHT I MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING FROM YOU HERE??? DIDN'T KNOW!? OR FROM DAVE!? OR ONE OF THE OTHER FRIENDS I HAVE HERE ON DS!? AND, WHEN I GOT ON HERE, BAM!!! THERE IT WAS!!! ONE BEAUTIFUL EMAIL FROM MY FRIEND DENISE!!! AND, SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS ARAID THAT I WAS THINKING THAT SHE HAD BEEN IGNORING ME, OR HAD ABADONED ME, WHATEVER!? AND, THAT SHE JUST WANTED ME TO KNOW THAT SHE HAD NOT!!! THAT IN FACT!!! SHE HAD HAD THE PERFECT STORM OF FAMILY CRISIS & TRADGIES HERSELF LAST WEEK! AND, THAT SHE JUST COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT SHE HAD HAD ALL OF THAT OR SOOO MUCH & SOOO MANY THINGS TO HAPPEN & TO POUND HER OR THE PEOPLE THAT SHE LOVES SO MUCH IN THAT ONE WEEK!!! AND, THAT THAT WAS WHY THAT SHE HAD NOT CHECKED ON ME OR HAD NOT BEEN IN TOUCH WITH ME WHILE I WAS IN CRISIS & WHILE I HAD ALL OF THIS HORRIBLE STUFF GOING ON!!! SO IT'S GREAT THAT WE ARE GOOD & THAT OUR FRIENDSHIP IS STILL GOOD!!! MAYBE BETTER WHEN IT'S ALL SAID & DONE!? I DON'T KNOW!?
But, hell! Now I'm really worried about her!!! So she needs a LOT of prayers right now too!!! So I would like a lot of prayers sent up for her now!!!
So now!!! I feel like the faithless, dumbass that I obviously am!!!! For being such a stupid idiot & ass!!! And, for doubting my own best friend!!! But that's the sadest part about being at the end of your rope & being at rock bottom & being in such a dark dark hole!!! You get blinded to other things!!! And, for me!? I lost faith in the very person that i should have not lost faith in!!! And, today & tonight really showed me BIG TIME!!!! Just how bad off i was!!! And, just how lost & blinded I was by this last crisis & severe suicidal depression!!! But going out today & encountering such an interesting set of events today really really showed me just how bad & lost I was!!! And, it also showed me, that even when things are the darkest!!!! Just hang in there, at all cost!!! Because things can change at any damned minute!!! And, things can totally reverse in the blink of an eye!!! And, now I just feel really really stupid!!! And, really really bad! For being sooooo depressed!!! And, for doubting when I should have had faith!!! So anyway!!! I just wanted to take a little time tonight to share this with you!!! And, to let you know that THINGS ARE DRAMICALLY BETTER WITH ME & FOR ME!!!!! I AM OKAY NOW!!!! AT LEAST FOR NOW!!! SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT ME ANYMORE RIGHT NOW!!! I KNOW THAT I WAS IN A BAD PLACE EARLIER!!! AND, I WANT TO SINCERELY APPOLIGIZE TO YOU FOR THAT!!!! I KNOW THAT YOU WERE REALLY WORRIED ABOUT ME!!! AND, THAT YOU REALLY CARED ABOUT ME!!!! AND, I LOVE & APPREIATE THAT!!!! OKAY!!!! :) I AM NOT UPSET WITH YOU FOR CARING ABOUT ME THAT MUCH!!!
As for tonight, I'm OK, I guess!? But I am still hurting & still in a lot of pain, deep down inside!!! And, I still need some major changes in my life!!! What!? I'm not exactly sure!? But I know that I'm NOT doing well over all!!! And, if I don't have some major changes soon in my life I fear that I will be right back in the same spot I was a few days ago!?
However I have learned that more people than I ever knew or ever thought give a crap! And, that was good to learn & to find out! And, I learned a few things about me in relation to my friend!
Gave all the kids a bath tonight, cleaned crates & swept & mopped! Cleaned things first then the dogs!
Mostly been tired today!
Well! That's it for now!