Yearly update - It seems
Funny, this is nearly one year since my last post. Here is how my year was:
I ended up breaking up with that guy (the one I felt like I was in a trapped relationship with). My parents noticed how depressed I was and bought me a ticket to come home for Christmas. I helped my mom at her shop, and kept busy, however my 3rd day home my parents told me that they are getting divorced. My reaction? Nothing. I was so used to the constant shit getting thrown at me that this was just the cherry on top of a shit-filled cake. I went back to Denmark in January to complete my last in-class semester, before going on to an internship. It was in January when I met a boy. He was so extremely different from the one I dated in the summer, and the one I had just recently broken up with (who still wasn’t over it). We hooked up one night and I felt so guilty that I didn’t tell him about my herpes. A week later, at a school party, my ex and him had talked for over an hour. After which, he came and said “ I think we should talk”. Immediately, I thought my ex had told him about the herpes, but no. My ex had said that he would be fine if we dated. But he also warned him that I am leaving in the summer. Apparently he wasn’t the only one to warn him. Two other friends had. Anyways, we started dating and after 4 months I told him I love him, and he felt the same. It was nice, however june approached quickly after and up until the day I left, we hadn’t decided what to do about it. We ended up trying a long distance relationship, being honest and open the whole time, about how we are feeling. It lasted about a month. He wasn’t able to communicate as often as I wanted, and after being told this, he didn’t improve. I was in a bad state, always starting the conversations, it would take him days to reply to me on facebook, meanwhile he is posting things and commenting on other’s facebook. It hurt. So we broke up and I spent july to October focused on my internships and working for my mom. I rebuilt the friendship I have with my bestfriend. I ended up coming back to Denmark to write my thesis here, in October.
I have seen my recent ex, and we have been intimately involved several times, but we are not together. I am finished my education in February, to which I will leave Denmark, since they don’t have any jobs that fit my passion. The other night I saw him holding hands with a girl at the bar we volunteer at, but he assured me that he was pretending to be her boyfriend, since there were some creepy guys hitting on her all evening. The jealously that formed inside me was terrible. I know I still love him, but I also know, that he will never get his ass into gear and will only hold me back from accomplishing my dreams. It is a sad state I am in. However, I was also a hyprocrite. I have started flirting with a connection of my friends boyfriend, who happens to be in the school as well. We have had a few conversations and agreed that if anything were to happen, it would only be “for fun”. So how can I be in love with my ex, feel the rush of meeting someone new, and also be jealous at the same time? It is a terrible cocktail of emotions.
But that is my year. It has been a good year, falling in love for the first time. Being part of two great non-profit organizations. But here I am today, on Dailystrength, trying to get my daily dose of strength from you.
I ended up breaking up with that guy (the one I felt like I was in a trapped relationship with). My parents noticed how depressed I was and bought me a ticket to come home for Christmas. I helped my mom at her shop, and kept busy, however my 3rd day home my parents told me that they are getting divorced. My reaction? Nothing. I was so used to the constant shit getting thrown at me that this was just the cherry on top of a shit-filled cake. I went back to Denmark in January to complete my last in-class semester, before going on to an internship. It was in January when I met a boy. He was so extremely different from the one I dated in the summer, and the one I had just recently broken up with (who still wasn’t over it). We hooked up one night and I felt so guilty that I didn’t tell him about my herpes. A week later, at a school party, my ex and him had talked for over an hour. After which, he came and said “ I think we should talk”. Immediately, I thought my ex had told him about the herpes, but no. My ex had said that he would be fine if we dated. But he also warned him that I am leaving in the summer. Apparently he wasn’t the only one to warn him. Two other friends had. Anyways, we started dating and after 4 months I told him I love him, and he felt the same. It was nice, however june approached quickly after and up until the day I left, we hadn’t decided what to do about it. We ended up trying a long distance relationship, being honest and open the whole time, about how we are feeling. It lasted about a month. He wasn’t able to communicate as often as I wanted, and after being told this, he didn’t improve. I was in a bad state, always starting the conversations, it would take him days to reply to me on facebook, meanwhile he is posting things and commenting on other’s facebook. It hurt. So we broke up and I spent july to October focused on my internships and working for my mom. I rebuilt the friendship I have with my bestfriend. I ended up coming back to Denmark to write my thesis here, in October.
I have seen my recent ex, and we have been intimately involved several times, but we are not together. I am finished my education in February, to which I will leave Denmark, since they don’t have any jobs that fit my passion. The other night I saw him holding hands with a girl at the bar we volunteer at, but he assured me that he was pretending to be her boyfriend, since there were some creepy guys hitting on her all evening. The jealously that formed inside me was terrible. I know I still love him, but I also know, that he will never get his ass into gear and will only hold me back from accomplishing my dreams. It is a sad state I am in. However, I was also a hyprocrite. I have started flirting with a connection of my friends boyfriend, who happens to be in the school as well. We have had a few conversations and agreed that if anything were to happen, it would only be “for fun”. So how can I be in love with my ex, feel the rush of meeting someone new, and also be jealous at the same time? It is a terrible cocktail of emotions.
But that is my year. It has been a good year, falling in love for the first time. Being part of two great non-profit organizations. But here I am today, on Dailystrength, trying to get my daily dose of strength from you.
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