Year and a half later

Wow, can't believe my last journal entry was so long ago.  So lets update...

So, 2 am 7/9/16 I received a text. I see its HIS number. I automatically think he must have been hacked.  The curiosity got the best of me so I opened it.  To my shock, it was him actually reaching out to me. He sent me a link to a song that reminds him of me and tells me how he only likes this song because of me. Ok, small talk. I respond, but let it go.

Exactly one month later, I do the texting now.... Just wanted to say, been on my mind.  We do small texts for a day and once again be done with it.  I really dont want to get my heart hurt again.

Well well well, another month later, he texts me.  This time the texting pretty much continues up to a couple weeks ago.  During this time, he tells me he is single, asks about me, conversations via text and phone really pick up.  So much so that I agreed to meet up with him one afternoon at his place. Yes, we slept together.  It felt wonderful to have him in my arms and me in his. Everything feels so cozy and comfortable. Just like it did when we were together. :)  Continue to text back and forth, and I notice a few weeks later he seems a little distant so i ask what is going on.  Well this is where my heart got hurt ONCE AGAIN.  He tells me he doesnt want a relationship.  I totally lose it. Call him up and chew him out.  Emotions got the best of me.  A couple of days later, my mind starts coming back to me and I realize that Ive been ok by myself for 3.5 years now.  Im actually starting to like living by myself and dont need someone to spend all my time with.  I text him and let him know that I do like having him in my life again, even as the casual texts.  So for a few weeks now its been small talk. Nothing real serious to talk about.  Today is Monday, and the last time we texted was Friday.  Didn't really think about his this weekend, but now that its a new week, I am hoping he texts today even to just say hi.

I'm just so back and forth with my feelings with him.  Part of me thinks he still cares for me since he reached out a few months back, but then it bothers me to think not even for a relationship.  Also, i wonder if he's talking to the recent gal he ended it with.  I love him, but i'm starting to think "hey dont worry if he doesnt text because you've done fine all this time apart, and if someone else comes along great".  I dont want to worry about him anymore.  I sufferedd his loss like nothing ever in my life.  I want to be ok with him or without.  I guess time will tell.  I just need to get him out of my head.  I figure a journal entry may help. Will see.