YAY!!! Saturday night RANTING SESSION! 12:49A
MAJOR RANTING SESSION: So then.....just as I was turning a corner in my brain maybe taking a break on beating myself up and seeing co-dependency everywhere for one day. My nephew decides tonight is the night to "address the family" (My mom, my sister and I) about his sisters (my niece) feelings about our lack of communications, to us all via email.......however, not including her in the email....hmmmmmmmm
Co-dependent much??
I kindly admitted that I was in fact great at the silent treatment and joined our PHd program in our family on this trait, which he pointed out was the crux of the problem his sister (my niece) was having and why he was stating it was "necessary to address the family" about it....and that somehow it had become a danger to her well being....all very cryptic of course. Cause god forbid announcing and revealing an issue would be fully disclosed.....nah....we had to pick up the phone and say "Why are you mad at me"....oh thanks....just the kind of rat trap I want to walk into. The sad part about this whole thing is, I barely know any of the players with exception to my mom....all the rest have been living in Ohio and I have talked to them all (including my sister) maybe all of 10 times in the last 26 years........and I am going to get involved? Hmmm me thinks not.
I found the email to be so embedded with co-dependency I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I stated that I would not be able to authentically address the email without the person who was potentially having an issue with me addressing it themselves.....I am not up for dealing with the spokesmodel on feelings being hurt.....we ALL get hurt feelings, but we ALL have to pull up our big girl/boy pants up and deal with them and say what is on our mind ourselves....we can't have big brother always run to the rescue to beat up the bad guys. Life just doesn't work that way. (I certainly didn't say it that way in my email to him, I of course always thinking of EVERYONE ELSE, made sure it was all mushy, smiley faces, and love bugs.........co-dependency is fully activated.)
Then the icing on the cake of the email is ending it with a nice "Your lives would be so enriched with the communication, well either way it will be enriched, but don't worry about communication with me cause I have no problem with the status quo, nor do I take any responsibility that I am bad at it too"........I told him he probably should not go into law.....(that I did say)
So then he writes back with a snide comment about "how sad he feels for me that I think it isn't ok for family to talk on behalf of someone else in the family".....so now I get pretend pity on top of it. Oh and of course, lets ensure we diminish my intelligence with the famed comment "I think you missed the point".
No I got the point loud and clear, I suck at communication, I am admitting to it, but you want to be mad at me and frankly use your sister as a means to address it, and frankly reveal how rampant and deep co-dependency runs in this family.....great Saturday night, and I have to be up at 5a and my brain WILL NOT SHUT UP!. Lordy Lordy Lordy.....when it rains it pours...
Co-dependent much??
I kindly admitted that I was in fact great at the silent treatment and joined our PHd program in our family on this trait, which he pointed out was the crux of the problem his sister (my niece) was having and why he was stating it was "necessary to address the family" about it....and that somehow it had become a danger to her well being....all very cryptic of course. Cause god forbid announcing and revealing an issue would be fully disclosed.....nah....we had to pick up the phone and say "Why are you mad at me"....oh thanks....just the kind of rat trap I want to walk into. The sad part about this whole thing is, I barely know any of the players with exception to my mom....all the rest have been living in Ohio and I have talked to them all (including my sister) maybe all of 10 times in the last 26 years........and I am going to get involved? Hmmm me thinks not.
I found the email to be so embedded with co-dependency I wanted to crawl out of my skin. I stated that I would not be able to authentically address the email without the person who was potentially having an issue with me addressing it themselves.....I am not up for dealing with the spokesmodel on feelings being hurt.....we ALL get hurt feelings, but we ALL have to pull up our big girl/boy pants up and deal with them and say what is on our mind ourselves....we can't have big brother always run to the rescue to beat up the bad guys. Life just doesn't work that way. (I certainly didn't say it that way in my email to him, I of course always thinking of EVERYONE ELSE, made sure it was all mushy, smiley faces, and love bugs.........co-dependency is fully activated.)
Then the icing on the cake of the email is ending it with a nice "Your lives would be so enriched with the communication, well either way it will be enriched, but don't worry about communication with me cause I have no problem with the status quo, nor do I take any responsibility that I am bad at it too"........I told him he probably should not go into law.....(that I did say)
So then he writes back with a snide comment about "how sad he feels for me that I think it isn't ok for family to talk on behalf of someone else in the family".....so now I get pretend pity on top of it. Oh and of course, lets ensure we diminish my intelligence with the famed comment "I think you missed the point".
No I got the point loud and clear, I suck at communication, I am admitting to it, but you want to be mad at me and frankly use your sister as a means to address it, and frankly reveal how rampant and deep co-dependency runs in this family.....great Saturday night, and I have to be up at 5a and my brain WILL NOT SHUT UP!. Lordy Lordy Lordy.....when it rains it pours...
Replies
It sounds like you did well, being aware that the email sent on your niece\'s behalf without her knowledge was inappropriate. It sounds like you let it get to you though. I hope you are not thinking about it too much today. You spoke your truth, now you have to surrender the outcome, hard as that can be.
I wish it didn\'t get to me, I am in such a sensitive place because I am newly discovering my co-dependence, with the added bonus of PMS so this hit to the marrow. I could only reply to the last one that I didnt know what to say but that I loved him. I cc\'d my mom and sister and am now in the process of attempting to detach......praying super hard for it. But no I can\'t stop myself from thinking about it.....oh well it is all out of my control.....