Sunday, July 19, 2009 – 5:50 P.M. I was not feeling very well last week, so I did not write many journal entries. I did not have a physical illness, but more of a feeling of increasing depression. Sometimes I feel as though depression is more difficult to deal with than a physical illness.   My depression seems to run in cycles. I can feel good for three or four weeks in a row, then all of a sudden the depression hits -- whammy! It stays around for an indefinite period. I don't know what has caused this latest round, but I hope that I get through it quickly.   When I saw Dr. Martin last Wednesday, we discussed a number of things including the fact that I seem to have Agoraphobia. I have gotten to the point where I no longer enjoy going away from my home, and, in fact, I now feel as though I'm afraid to even leave here to begin with. I am all right as long as someone is with me, but when I am alone, it seems impossible for me to go anywhere.   Dr. Martin seems to feel that it has been aggravated by comments made to me by my brother during our recent family counseling sessions. I agree with her on that, but I do not think that he is entirely responsible for my Agoraphobia. Dr. Martin did not suggest how I should go about combating this. Maybe that will come up during our next session on Wednesday.   I'm going to the mental health clinic to see Dale tomorrow morning. I am not sure what we will be discussing, but I am sure that he has something in mind.   Most things have been going well with my CNA's last week. As they were preparing me for bed last night, one of them happened to mention having a client who just got a new service dog. She was all enthusiastic about that and seemed quite happy. I thought it might be a good time to mention the fact that my doctor wanted me to get one as well. That did not go over as well as I thought it would. The first comment I heard was, "Oh, you're going to get one so you can make more work for us." I tried telling them that I had not gotten one sooner because of the fact that I did not want to make additional work for them. I could not figure out why it was okay for this CNA's other client to get a service dog, but not for me to have one. Because of that, I let the entire subject drop, rather than to get into an argument.   I certainly hope this week goes better than last. If not, I may be doomed into having a long bout of depression. I need to figure out a way to start feeling better soon.   While trying to find a few laughs on the Internet, I came across the following short video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTxkxG3DF4k    



I agree about the depression.
If your mind and emotions are balanced, it would seem to me that dealing with a physical illness just may be easier than dealing with depression.
I am glad you are seeing Dale today.
I do hope you discuss with Dale and Dr. Martin, this cycle of depression you experience.
I am not surprised to hear that some increases in symptoms have come up due to the family therapy sessions that include your brother.
Families can do that to you most assuredly.
The dog deal was baffling, wasn\'t it.
Ok for one and not for another.
I hate the way they talk to you.
Their idea of \" more work. \" just so happens to be their very own \" job description.\"
What do they think they are there for in the first place ?
I am sorry this upset you enough to have you remain quiet.

I agree with GoodGod\'s comments

Oh yeah, depression much worse to deal with than a \'regular\' illness.

Believe it or not, I\'m feeling twinges of agoraphobia too. Things are happening to my health in a neuro way, and I\'m developing concerns about driving myself to places. I\'ve been forcing it a lot lately, maybe that\'s why I\'m so tired.

As to the rest - what GoodGod said.

Hugs and Mojo

That video made my cheeks hurt. \"This chair is wet\". Oh, thanks for the laugh this morning.

Do you think the physical illnesses are easier because you are used to them? Or because they might end? I find the physical so much harder sometimes. I think I\'m used to the depression and know how to cope. Maybe we can share notes on how to cope with each. When my back hurt and I was laid up for a few days, I was so miserable.

I had agoraphobia for a few months during recovery. I think it\'s because we are so sensitive and practically re-living the trauma. It passed for me and I sure hope it does for you, too. Until then, go out as little as possible. A feeling of \'safety\' is key to recovery.

The dog thing is bizarre. I hope you can ask her what she meant by it. Some people just aren\'t bright enough to realize how deeply their words can impact another. Insensitive people should stay away from jobs in health care. Do you feel comfortable enough with her to ask her?

Are there agencies that will come and walk your dog for you? I know there are many here. Your brother could pay for it. That would be a good way to shift the relationship and see him for what he is good for - which appears to be the keeper of YOUR money.

Sam, that idea of yours about the dog is a really good one.

I like the idea about the dog. There are people who walk dogs for a price. I\'m sure my brother could afford it. I\'ll talk about it with both Dale and Dr. Martin. That CNA should have kept her mouth shut. She is the one I\'ve had trouble with lately. If she doesn\'t like her job, I wish she\'d quit.

If your brother would make a long term commitment to helping fund the dog\'s expenses, that would be great.

I am so down from depression, I am not sure which way it up...or sideways...
I did come back to reference my comment in which I agreed with you that depression may be worse than a physical illness.
I was coming from my own perspective.
There are many, many physical illnesses that are horrid and seemingly unbearable.
It was irresponsible of me not to mention that aspect of illness along with my comment on depression.
I am sorry, Weebs. When the head does not work right, the rest of the mind follows suit. I am sure you disagree with the depression shtick.

Anyway...each man\'s road is a difficult one for some reason or another.

Pssssssssssst....major depression sucks big time.

I can usually see an end coming to physical illnesses, but I have had severe depression on and off for at at least thirty-five years with no real end in sight. That\'s just the way it has been for me. I am sure the exact opposite holds true for others. No offense meant to anyone.