WW Day 70
Worthy...I am worthy. I deserve the best and I'm worthy of the best me, the best me I can be! Am I scared to lose weight or lose someone I love if I lose weight? I don't think so...I think I have to realize and KNOW that I'm worthy and deserve this.
I need to find whatever it is in me that sabotages myself, I don't think it's anyone but me that sabotages me. I really think it's the little girl in me that does it. That little girl that turned to food for comfort, that child that turned to food because I could. I could control it...I could eat as much or as little as I wanted. More often than not is was more, I would eat more to look for that "comfortable" feeling. I had a GREAT childhood minus sexual abuse from my grandpa. I loved him, I forgave him (that's probably hard for some to understand). I know I didn't cause it or deserve it, but I think because I couldn't control it...I turned to food, that I could and would control. Well I thought I could...it than became the nightmare. I ate to be happy, I ate when sad, I ate when stressed, I ate when mad heck I ate when happy. I think I need to talk to that little girl inside of me and explain "Hey you...you don't really have control of the food either, it has control over you. It won't for much longer though, we you and I together are going to control it in a healthy way! We are worthy, we deserve to let go of the control or lack of control and live, be happy! Eat to live don't live to eat...don't stress over the food or grab it just because you can!!!"
I've put a lot of thought into who, when and why I struggle. I think I have some answers. I won't say that there won't be rough days ahead I'm sure there will. I will say that I want to succeed, I deserve it and I'm as worthy as anyone and everyone else. Today has been a good day emotionally. I have stayed within my points and am proud of myself and that little girl, WE did it today. We will do it tomorrow too. One day at a time me and you.
Thanks to all that support me, I'm feeling better about things. I need to remember to journal. Until tomorrow (((Hugs)))
I need to find whatever it is in me that sabotages myself, I don't think it's anyone but me that sabotages me. I really think it's the little girl in me that does it. That little girl that turned to food for comfort, that child that turned to food because I could. I could control it...I could eat as much or as little as I wanted. More often than not is was more, I would eat more to look for that "comfortable" feeling. I had a GREAT childhood minus sexual abuse from my grandpa. I loved him, I forgave him (that's probably hard for some to understand). I know I didn't cause it or deserve it, but I think because I couldn't control it...I turned to food, that I could and would control. Well I thought I could...it than became the nightmare. I ate to be happy, I ate when sad, I ate when stressed, I ate when mad heck I ate when happy. I think I need to talk to that little girl inside of me and explain "Hey you...you don't really have control of the food either, it has control over you. It won't for much longer though, we you and I together are going to control it in a healthy way! We are worthy, we deserve to let go of the control or lack of control and live, be happy! Eat to live don't live to eat...don't stress over the food or grab it just because you can!!!"
I've put a lot of thought into who, when and why I struggle. I think I have some answers. I won't say that there won't be rough days ahead I'm sure there will. I will say that I want to succeed, I deserve it and I'm as worthy as anyone and everyone else. Today has been a good day emotionally. I have stayed within my points and am proud of myself and that little girl, WE did it today. We will do it tomorrow too. One day at a time me and you.
Thanks to all that support me, I'm feeling better about things. I need to remember to journal. Until tomorrow (((Hugs)))
Replies
I love how positive you are in this journal. You are worth it and that is a very good thing to realize. Once you realize that you are worth the effort and success that will come, then you can look at this as a positive journey and not one that will deprive. Keep it up and go back and read this journal daily. It will renew the positive aspect of your kicking those pounds out the door........
You ARE on your WAY!!!
Gentle ((hugs)) from someone that lives with a hurting and healing child within them also. They heal within us along our journey or we can find no lasting healing without them for they demand to be cared for, as they should for they are the reason we survived at all. Our goal weight will be achieved in unity with the healing of our inner child and we will emerge together and celebrate our victory throughout our lives as we, as one total human being, continue to learn to live well.
;-) patricia