WTF
Hubs had a breakdown while he was making plans to head to the Urban Homestead to feed the bees, etc. yesterday. It started as a balls out attack on speculation I was babbling on the next step in the development here at the farm. The repurposing from dairy barn to honey barn is nearly done and it is time to decide that next step, be it the housing upgrade, my return to the river region or ? ? ? It is a blessing to have so many choices available to us, but it sure is easy to get lost in the quantity.
Hubs and I seem to be getting pretty good at the step of recognizing when we are launching into a tit-for-tat skirmish and backing off to regroup and shift the focus to getting back on the same sheet of music. It was a pretty stiff shock to my system when his attack crumbled into tears over the situation in the homestead. The retirement fantasy which guided the purchase of our urban half acre in 2011 is buried under the shambles of neglect and middle aged blood and guts that arenae mine to sort. Is Hubs ready to concede they arenae his to sort, either? Dunno. . . That would be *his* to sort, but I'm resisting a sarcastic urge to check and be sure he left the bone saws and screwdrivers he has been using to *fix* all the imperfect people in his life.
I'm pretty sure Hubby's hysteria was calm enough to keep him safe on the three hour drive before he took off. I havenae received any emergency calls since then. Is our contact info up-to-date enough that emergency workers would know where to find me? I have wandered quite allot in the past few years and ? ? ? Letting go and letting God. . .
I hired an assistant to help me put the finishing touches on the honey barn. She starts this morning. We see what grows.
Replies
Hoping and praying for your hubby’s safe return home, Arfie.
Perhaps it’s pressure, maybe a build up of stress combined with a bad day but on the very rare occasion my husband shifts from the expected response to his version of a breakdown and it always trips me up.
You’ve had years of learning the steps and how to adapt to a change in the melody. Maybe a quick shuffle or a new step, keep going Arfie and “letting”.
Hugs, suppport & loves!
Big hug for you sweetie.... I'm so sorry your husband is feeling so badly right now..... You guys have had sooooooo very much on your plate this last while and unfortunately a lot of it has been out of your control.... I can feel the pain and frustration from here
You and your family are in my prayers.....xo
Feeling So sad for both of you~~ your cup runith over as does both yours's and hobby's plate. Sheer exhaustion, and the both of you trying so hard with GK, the challenges with your own kids....plus re building your place....and long distance relationships are just a few I can think of....my stupid silly thought is hubby maybe wants to write a new poem, and just can't get stuff on paper or to rhyme? My prayers are with you for the Greatest Good To Come To ""All"" involved...((hugs Arfie))
Gentlest of hugs Arfie <3
Hubs sent a text update this morning that the Urban Homestead is stable. I'm not quite sure if that means the bees are doing well or the adult children haven't torn the house down. I decided to silently hope for both and sent reassurance and an update that my helper had shown up earlier than expected for her first day of work.
It was pretty sweet to have somebody to work with. The day went well. We hope to start the outside tomorrow but the weather is looking cold and rainy. We see.
I find myself thinking it's past due to find another name for the Urban Homestead. That retirement fantasy is long gone. There are still a few bee hives there, but aside from that. . . I don't believe I'll try to sell drowsy middle-agers at the inter-city Farmer's Market.
triple hugs arfie~ it has been a tumultuous endeavor with the family upheavals that have rocked you and your hubs recently. I'm happy you heard from him, relieving at least one worry. Kudos on all the acceptance of what is not in our control, despite how you may feel on the inside. That's a lot harder to do then it is to want to do. keep on letting go and letting God... it looks good on you~. and I think you may be inspiring me just a tad as well, so thx. what the heck, here are more triple hugs, so I guess that means you get triple hugs squared~