Wow, what a couple of weeks I've had!

I got so tense about things in this family and I fell back on self-medicating myself with booze which lead to my daughter noticing, which led to a confrontation/ fight and on my part shame, embarrasement and wishes I could go back in time and control me!   :') She said "don't be wanting me to celebrate 50 days when you only have one. I don't want to be duped! " That hurt quite a bit but I remained calm until we hung up. Then I pulled down all the curtains and jumped from the top of the house. No, I didn't!! Joking, joking! Sometimes she does make me feel a lot of self hatred tho. So after responsding to my "I think we should take a break from each other and you should go to Alanon" talk she sent me a scathing email to which I responded "well, you will have to be angry I guess." Just now she emailed me to say she went to an Alanon meeting and maybe she would keep going. Here's hoping. :) Wow, this stuff is so hard and emotionally painful. I have been feeling like this since I was 8 years old so it will be hard to reteach myself and my reactions but I'm willing to try!! That's the important part.                 THE END haha