WOW! Processed!
Whew, I learned something today, and it wasn't pleasant. You know those studies where dogs were in cages and were zapped with electric shock to learn how abuse affects them? Me... I learned how to open the doors, use my teeth and claws to stop it and to get out. My sisters... are still trapped inside themselves and don't want to leave.
And this whole family thing this past weekend brought that out. I've had a discussion with one of my sisters on it today. While I choose to stop the abuse my family is so good at dishing out, she's chosen to accept it, respect it, and let it continue. Even went so far to say she didn't know anything about the basics of the issue (and she's the one who first told me what happened)... She says she's at peace with it.
Two different viewpoints for the same situation. I wasn't sure how to process this. It's painful knowing there's more to come.... though to be honest, I doubt my aunt is gonna dish out any more my way.... I bite.
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Quiet day at the office.... gave me lots of time to think today.
Think about my sister and this earlier post: it's happened before you know.... several times, in fact. Something terribly painful comes up... I strike back, make the abuser leave me alone. But they (my sisters) change it. What she does is go into denial, twists it, makes it acceptable (but usually completely false), tells the family about it, they affirm it, everybody pretends it's fine... strike out at me from time to time when I throw in reality or just because I'm there because then they can SEE the reality themselves... and the abuse comes again. It's the reason I had an abusive marriage at the end... I was beginning to see it... and I've stepped out of the cycle.
I moved 900 miles away. Saw the beauty of being FREE. Wanted more, began my adventures.... and I've realized something. That sometimes, I need to look back, just to remind myself why I left in the first place... doesn't mean I won't keep in touch with the pack, just means that I'm ready to keep going and see where my future leads and maybe find a better one.
This says it all: An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus and keep aiming... because YOU are about to SOAR.
LATER!
And this whole family thing this past weekend brought that out. I've had a discussion with one of my sisters on it today. While I choose to stop the abuse my family is so good at dishing out, she's chosen to accept it, respect it, and let it continue. Even went so far to say she didn't know anything about the basics of the issue (and she's the one who first told me what happened)... She says she's at peace with it.
Two different viewpoints for the same situation. I wasn't sure how to process this. It's painful knowing there's more to come.... though to be honest, I doubt my aunt is gonna dish out any more my way.... I bite.
---------------------------------
Quiet day at the office.... gave me lots of time to think today.
Think about my sister and this earlier post: it's happened before you know.... several times, in fact. Something terribly painful comes up... I strike back, make the abuser leave me alone. But they (my sisters) change it. What she does is go into denial, twists it, makes it acceptable (but usually completely false), tells the family about it, they affirm it, everybody pretends it's fine... strike out at me from time to time when I throw in reality or just because I'm there because then they can SEE the reality themselves... and the abuse comes again. It's the reason I had an abusive marriage at the end... I was beginning to see it... and I've stepped out of the cycle.
I moved 900 miles away. Saw the beauty of being FREE. Wanted more, began my adventures.... and I've realized something. That sometimes, I need to look back, just to remind myself why I left in the first place... doesn't mean I won't keep in touch with the pack, just means that I'm ready to keep going and see where my future leads and maybe find a better one.
This says it all: An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backward. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that it's going to launch you into something great. So just focus and keep aiming... because YOU are about to SOAR.
LATER!
Replies
How absolutely true! I really like that analogy! Glad to know you made it out alive from your family! you really are an amazing person, so glad we are friends! Have a good day at work1 (((HUGS)))
I\'m 600 miles from my family and I\'m happy. They learned early that they could only back me up so far and then I came out fighting.
I never went to mother because she would take their side but when they complained to my dad he told them to leave me alone. He knew what they were doing. I do look back to make sure I\'m not letting myself be taken advantage of.
I, too, finally decided to go No Contact with my Sinister Sisters. And it makes them nuts that I simply ignore all their phone calls, emails and stupid notes they send in the mail. I once was BLIND to their manipulation, but now I can clearly see it. I am in a much better place without them in my life. At times like this I ask myself the rhetorical question: \"If they weren\'t my sisters, would they be my friends?\" And the resounding answer is HELL, NO!
LMAO, Sinister Sisters... I really like that! And I agree - HELL NO! is the way I look at my mother and aunts and uncles, lol. My sisters aren\'t so sinister... it\'s their coping mechanism for all the abuse all these years. I\'m just about ready to \"go\" from the family, I decided that after this trust thing is all done, I\'m going to cut out all my aunts and uncles from any contact whatsoever.... my sister and I are still talking about it. She\'s got a MONSTER pair of rose colored glasses on, bigger than the ones I had during my marriage, but we both noticed there\'s a pretty good sized crack yesterday. Not expecting them to shatter, but....