wow... no words

Just learnt that my boyfriend ( whom I broke up with for other issues I adressed in my other journals) has been telling everyone that HE broke up with ME because I was "constantly abusive". Just blows my head up, that does. That is one heck of a strong word and I know I wasnt the best girlfriend but really??? Now I feel worse. I don't know if I should be hating him- or myself. It confuses me even more. If anything we were as bad as eachother-it takes two to tango. It kills me though, it really does. Does he not remember the good times? How much he loved me? How he said I was the best girlfriend ever? Does he not know how much effort  I put in? Does he not understand that it hurts me so much? Does he think that i'm so selfish that I would not be hurting over the breakup? Does he think I am that awful that he has to say that stuff about me??? I expected it ( he talks shit about all his exes) But he acts as if this break up doesnt effect me. "I dont hate you, I hate what you did to me... I need space" Ignore me all you want, hate me all you want, but  deep down you I stood by you when noone else did. I gave you everything. I'm sorry I brokeup with you, but one day you will seriously be thanking me, and sounds like you couldn't be happier to be done with me.Believ what you wnat to believe if it helps youto get over me, belive whatever you want in your own twisted mind, but I have to stand here, knowing the real thruth and I have to listen to you talk shit about me to all my friends, which of whom seem to hate me now. Thanks. I guess you diddnt care about me that much in the end, cause if you did you would have let it be over and that would be it. I went out telling everyone I was at fault and telling them I was sorry and to take care of you, but you do not deserve any sympathy, because you had to tell everyone lies, and yet I still feel so terrible and I still care about you so much. I hate it when someone hates me, knowing you hate me and everyone else does too, that really hurts me deep. Thanks for running me down yet again, I reaaalllllyy apppreciate it...   :(

Ugh I really wish I could give him a  piece of my mind but no.. that would be "abusive" to the abuser. At least I'm better than that. i should be thanking you, because now it's even easier to get over you.