WOW, I've gone 5 days without a post, lol!
I haven't posted because my life seems so uneventful lately, lol. Neighbor problem seems to be resolved - there hasn't been a peep next door, and it's pretty obvious that he's not snooping anymore. In fact, another neighbor told me on Wednesday, that the problem neighbor got really freaked out about going to court. GOOD. So now, the only thing left with that is just sitting back and watching - watching him scrape funds together to put that privacy fence up because if he doesn't, he'll be in contempt of court - looks like he's trying to sell his camper, which is ironic because I plan to buy one when my inheritance comes in, lol. Too bad, lol! So, that whole thing is basically finished on my end....
You know, when I was moving into the thick of dealing with this neighbor thing, I KNEW that it would push me "higher", meaning that all the emotional baggage I've carried with me from the past would become a stepping stone to greater things... and it has, because I'm definitely stronger emotionally because now I KNOW I can cope, face problems head on and hold my own in extreme situations, despite my insecurities...
And it allowed me to help my sister emotionally too... she's had some MAJOR problems with her 1st X in which he's been abusing their kids.... she's facing being in contempt herself when she took measures to keep them safe and as a result violated the court order regarding visitation... luckily, the court listened to the kids and their counselors, visitation was reduced to an hour in public only... and she finds out about the contempt hearing next week. And when she was telling me about it, she brought up our past... said she had hoped her kids would never experience that... but it turned out that BECAUSE she experienced it, she was able to help her kids be strong when they did (amazingly strong), and she showed them that they will be FINE.... BETTER THAN FINE... and with my recent experience, I was able to show her that for herself as well, which has helped her grow emotionally too as she's dealing with this....
BUT... now I feel like I've been hit by a truck. Emotionally raw so to speak. To the point that when I go back to dealing with day-to-day stuff, like paying bills, cleaning house, etc., I become anxious... almost to the state of a panic attack setting in and I've NEVER HAD panic attacks before! I haven't quite figured out why this is happening.... it's not like I'm bankrupt, so financially things are actually good and I'm feeling safer and more secure in my home once again. So what's up with THAT? Is it loneliness? Could be - I haven't done much with friends lately and have been feeling a little isolated. And I haven't been outdoors since this all came to a head except for last week's hike... and yet I find myself GLAD that I've canceled plans for hiking this weekend and get to just stay home... which again can be good AND bad... because in just over a month WINTER comes and then I'll be FORCED to stay at home (except for skiing - which again will be solo).
So why do I find myself wanting to stay indoors? Well, maybe THAT'S why.... I'm FINALLY able to focus on getting things done. NESTING.... that's what's calling me at the moment.... cleaning house, paying bills up to date, getting my crafts started for this winter.... THAT'S WHAT IT IS! Something is telling me to get organized, get prepared, because big things (snow?) are coming (as well as a few overnight friends)... Yep, I've got this! And I'm gonna squeeze in a little 10 mile bike ride later today just to get something done exercise-wise....
Laughing at myself - sorry about the rambling... well, never said I was normal, lol. LATER!
You know, when I was moving into the thick of dealing with this neighbor thing, I KNEW that it would push me "higher", meaning that all the emotional baggage I've carried with me from the past would become a stepping stone to greater things... and it has, because I'm definitely stronger emotionally because now I KNOW I can cope, face problems head on and hold my own in extreme situations, despite my insecurities...
And it allowed me to help my sister emotionally too... she's had some MAJOR problems with her 1st X in which he's been abusing their kids.... she's facing being in contempt herself when she took measures to keep them safe and as a result violated the court order regarding visitation... luckily, the court listened to the kids and their counselors, visitation was reduced to an hour in public only... and she finds out about the contempt hearing next week. And when she was telling me about it, she brought up our past... said she had hoped her kids would never experience that... but it turned out that BECAUSE she experienced it, she was able to help her kids be strong when they did (amazingly strong), and she showed them that they will be FINE.... BETTER THAN FINE... and with my recent experience, I was able to show her that for herself as well, which has helped her grow emotionally too as she's dealing with this....
BUT... now I feel like I've been hit by a truck. Emotionally raw so to speak. To the point that when I go back to dealing with day-to-day stuff, like paying bills, cleaning house, etc., I become anxious... almost to the state of a panic attack setting in and I've NEVER HAD panic attacks before! I haven't quite figured out why this is happening.... it's not like I'm bankrupt, so financially things are actually good and I'm feeling safer and more secure in my home once again. So what's up with THAT? Is it loneliness? Could be - I haven't done much with friends lately and have been feeling a little isolated. And I haven't been outdoors since this all came to a head except for last week's hike... and yet I find myself GLAD that I've canceled plans for hiking this weekend and get to just stay home... which again can be good AND bad... because in just over a month WINTER comes and then I'll be FORCED to stay at home (except for skiing - which again will be solo).
So why do I find myself wanting to stay indoors? Well, maybe THAT'S why.... I'm FINALLY able to focus on getting things done. NESTING.... that's what's calling me at the moment.... cleaning house, paying bills up to date, getting my crafts started for this winter.... THAT'S WHAT IT IS! Something is telling me to get organized, get prepared, because big things (snow?) are coming (as well as a few overnight friends)... Yep, I've got this! And I'm gonna squeeze in a little 10 mile bike ride later today just to get something done exercise-wise....
Laughing at myself - sorry about the rambling... well, never said I was normal, lol. LATER!
Replies
I think your reaction is perfectly normal after something that required such an enormous emotional effort from you.
It is amazing how something big like this that we have to deal with can absolutely sap our energy, and so then I think afterwards we have this real low. I find it happens to me too, and I really withdraw for a while while I recharge my batteries.
It is such a good feeling when you succeed like you did, and even better when you can see the positive effect it has had on others around you. ((hugs))
By the way you are the kind of normal of many of us on here!
Ramble all you need to. I find myself writing less on here too. I\'m just getting tired and now having contact with the ex again about the farm.
Stress does sap your energy and I think you are doing considering all you have had to do recently. I don\'t think you will ever have trouble with that neighbor again. You did good.
Well, decided to get outdoors after all... took the dogs for a 2 mile hike in the canyon (a storm is beginning to develop). I discovered that panic attack is FEAR. Because out there where we\'ve encountered a mountain lion (and I worry about rattlers too), fear is healthy, but also debilitating. So I\'m glad I went - pushed the FEAR away a bit, and now that I\'m indoors for the rest of the day (that storm is getting BIG), I signed up for a hike tomorrow - cross your fingers weather cooperates because it\'s gonna be a new place for me to see. THANKS FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!
You seem to really be doing well. I am so glad that you are. I know the fear thing and try not to let it get the better of you. For me, when I dont get out enough i get fear and anxiety so keep up those hikes!