Worst Time of My Life

The doctors had told us that the next 24-48 hours would be very critical and would help us know the outcome regarding my husband cardiac arrest.  The kept him for 15 hours in the ER and then move him to the ICU.  I did not move from his side and kept praying to God to please make him react.  Due to the ICU being full and due to his condition he was sent to the ICU overflow where the attention is much better.  He would have a nurse to himself.  He was constantly being monitored.  He was placed on a ventilator and heart monitor.  I hated that machine since it would be fucking beeping all the time.  Up to now I cannot hear machines beeping or loud noises because it makes me freak out.  I refused to leave so my kids would bring clothes for me and since I did not have a bathroom available to take showers, I would go to the regular bathroom and just clean myself and change my clothes.  I refused to leave to go home or to my sister's house since I was afraid of leaving my husband.  My husband survived the first 48 hours and the doctor said it was great.  The had induced him in a coma to try to protect his organs.  About the 4th day they attempted to wake him up by removing him from the sedatives but he started waking up however they said he had seizure therefore they had to put him on the sedatives again because they were afraid he can have brain damage.  They did a cat scan which did not show damage however when the did the EEG it showed slow brain movement which meant there was brain damage.  Due to all his health conditions the neurologist asked me to consider what I wanted to do because it is not looking good.  I would pray every minute.  I would talk to my husband and ask him to please fight for his life.  I would kneel by the bedside and pray for him to get better.  I cannot continue writing because it is hurting so much remember this episode of my life.  Life just sucks and I hate it.