Worst nightmare yet

I woke up in the middle of the night, from one of (if not) the worst nightmares to date. In it, I was doing things in the house while having a conversation with my oldest daughter ... something that really reflects reality. She comes home from work and usually, "kicks" back in the living room for a while before bed. We talk a lot more these days and exchange some friendly banter. I usually am trying to get something done ... more of a night than a day person.
So as I walk through the hall, there is someone hiding behind my bedroom door. Someone grabs me and pulls me to them. I am frozen with fear. I try to call out my daughter's name, twice ... but the same thing happens that would happen in my childhood nightmares ... there was barely any result. My voice made the greatest effort, but there was nothing audible past the level of a whisper coming out on my first two attempts. The third time, though, I am able to actually shout her name, to warn her ... which is also the point at which I woke up feeling terrified. I have no idea who grabbed me, just a sense of maleness and malevolence.It's positive that I finally was able to call out, audibly ... though I couldn't escape the arms that gripped me. It gives me chills to remember it, though.
I fell back to sleep and for a while, dreamed I had a new job. I had to take some pink pill they gave me which came out in my urine as small darker red fragments. It was weird. This was some sort of employment check, but what and how they were doing ... not clear. I also couldn't find things like my driver's license, etc to complete the actual employment file ... although in the dream it didn't seem to be a problem ... as I was "in process" of getting all that together and submitting it. Yet, the problem was that I really couldn't seem to find what I needed. In real life, I am somewhat scatterbrained (I like to think, "absent-minded") and I MAKE myself organized to prevent things like this from happening. I once couldn't find my car keys for hours, as I had tossed them - after coming home from work the day before - onto the kitchen counter, where they'd slid down into the garbage disposal. I finally found them after retracing the events ... and normally, hang them on the hook!
At least this dream was somewhat positive!
The last dream of the night, ex was in. He went upstairs (we don't have upstairs in this house and it looked more like my childhood home) and his mother was lying in a bed. He got in the bed and I started to say something about it ... that he was in bed with his mother "again". Obviously, being "in bed with his mother" at his age is not appropriate yet it reflects the reality that I came up against, time and time again, in my "relationship" with him. He never separated from her, formed his own separate identity (though he would not see it thus) and very obviously, can't have a marriage when there is always an extra woman in the mix ... interestingly, his sister was in another bed and was "giving me hell". She threatened to "kick my ass". Finally, I got into a bed and I just stayed there, peacefully. I told her that if she assaulted me, I'd have her arrested. So I guess that was a positive, too.
So I am still remembering only fragments and I hate these nightmares that actually wake me up. But I am going to try to write them down and see what is in there. I know from keeping a dream diary in past, the dreams often become more memorable upon waking. They communicate, though some of it is not easy to understand ... or even, to make use of, when there is understanding. But when something isn't useful or usable in present ... doesn't mean it will remain that way.
LOL yesterday, I told my daughter I'd like to go to sleep and dream of being on vacation ... wow, sure hope these "weren't it"!

Replies

spiritsprout
spiritsprout

Wow dadda, your dreams are intense! I was reading about the tigers and tornados as well. My first thought of your dream about the man grabbing you and the difficulty of yelling your daughter\'s name, is possibly representing how much you love your daughter. You wanted to warn her of danger.... protect her. And, I believe she is aware of your wonderful mother\'s love.

I wonder if things will improve, regarding your feelings of fears, once you have moved from that house? Does the house trigger feelings of connection with your exH? Dreams and dream interpretations have always interested me. I have lots of dreams, and mine seem to be more actual, rather than symbolic. I think writing about the dreams may help in analyzing them.

Not only do I hope you start dreaming about being on a lovely vacation, I hope that will become a reality for you soon. Going somewhere to rest, recharge your batteries.... and continue to heal. Hang in there and sending you big (((Hugs)))!