Worry
Im up late tonight worrying. I think ive been worrying so much that its affecting my work. I screwed up at work and didnt unroll the phones all day yesterday and upon looking at my payroll tonight my direct deposit didnt go thru yet which means i might have screwed up on payroll.
My doctors appt Friday has been on my mind too. Ive got 3 different paths to take and I dont know which direction to go in. Ive just got to get thru this appt first. I think it will give me a different perspective. Then there is telling Roomie im moving out too. Cant do anything till i know about my health first. The dark cloud wont go away.
If i lose my job, that will make things easier...I could go up North and start over. Although, I dont really want to.
A friend offered for me to move in with them however...they live in a travel trailer and have a dog and I dont think theyd be to happy with my cat. Id love to be with this friend but i just dont see it happening.
If I lose my job that means i cant get my own place...and that changes everything. I dont know what to do.
Replies
Please correct me if I am wrong, but isn't changing everything your current goal in life? Just curious. . . Misunderstandings come more easily than understandings. For sure, in my own healing journey, change is always frightening, even when I really want the change and have worked long and hard for that very change. Careful what you wish for and all that hoorah. . .
Yup, worry turns me into a bumbling fool. I can spend so much time worrying about the things I cannot change that I totally miss out on the things I *can* change, such as focusing on the task at hand. Earth to Arf. . . Earth to Arf. . . Come in, Arf. . . The worry drawer of my psychotherapy toolbox remains my largest and most used drawer in the box. It's a mean habit that can pollute any lifestyle choice. Making amends for the bone-headed stunts I pull under the influence of worry might be the most used tool in that drawer. Am I perfect yet?
Sigh. . . Breathing. . .
Gentle empathy and support while you work your way through.
Worry is like quicksand. You can't build on it. You can only sink into it. ~AA/Alanon proverb
Thanks Arf-I of course worked myself into a tizzy about work and payroll and it turned out everything was okay after all. Worry quickly snowballs into something larger. Just keep reminding myself to get thru Dr's appt first-then worry about he other stuff. I hope it is not anything bad.
I just love panic attacks. (Hope you can hear the sarcasm dripping off that one.) My panic attack of the day was over whether my grandson would like the jacket I bought him. I still amaze myself with how much I can agonize over trivial details.
Yup, roll your dice, take your chances and keep cleaning supplies handy for missed guesses. Keep putting one foot in front of the other.
For what it's worth, GS loved the jacket.