Worries and Rants
Geo is sick... his temp went from 98.8 to 100.1 (taken about 15 minutes ago) in a couple hours... he was at 97 earlier today. I'm just worried that it's going up so fast. I wasn't feeling well a couple days ago, but I got over it fast and today he got hit pretty hard. I think it's the flu. I got my flu shot this year, and he didn't so it would make sense that I would be okay from the flu and he's not. I don't know why else I would be okay and he would be sick. Oh well. I'm trying to get more fluids into him, so we will see how that goes. He only drinks soda, so it's hard for me to get him to drink anything else. I do have some Gatorade powder that I can mix up and put in the fridge for him which I will do in a couple minutes.
Okay, time for the rant. I was talking to my sister yesterday, and I told her I have blackouts. She kept on insisting that it sounds like I'm spacing out when I have had doctors tell me they are blackouts and possibly epilepsy. I have to always defend myself towards her. She even said that to me... she said I'm constantly defending my disorders or whatever to her. I do that because she doesn't believe me when I say I have something. She likes to think that she knows everything about me, but there is a lot I don't tell her. They say you can't diagnose family, and she proves it... she just doesn't want to see that there are things wrong with me, or that the things wrong with me aren't what I think they are. I know I can be a hypochondriac sometimes, but still... I have had doctors verify the things I tell her, it's not like I'm self-diagnosing and then telling her what I think I have.
I think she might be scared that I'm going to think I have Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) because of the blackouts. We were talking a couple weeks ago and I was telling her MPD is something I don't have, and she did say something about blackouts, but I had told her about the blackouts before that so it's not like I'm only talking about the blackouts after I thought about MPD and decided I want to have it. I don't have MPD and I'm okay with that. I don't want MPD. I was trying to think of the major psych disorders there are out there that I don't have, and I do have signs of the major ones. I have had ED's, bipolar and now diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic. I also have Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not a sociopath or a psychopath, though, and those are other commonly known disorders out there. I'm not a narcissist (but I do know I'm pretty) and I don't remember what histrionic personality disorder was, but I'm pretty sure I'm not that either. I just know there are a lot of things out there mentally that I'm not, and I don't like that my sister assumes that I'm just going to latch on to any diagnosis I find and call myself it.
I think that's what gets me the most... that she doesn't trust me. I think if she trusted me, she would believe me when I said I had something and not spend half the conversation trying to prove me wrong. I know when I'm right... I have had doctors tell me what a blackout is. I didn't know what it was when I told them what happened, and then they told me it was a blackout. It's not like I wanted this to happen.
My paranoia has also been getting the best of me lately. I'm paranoid of the cameras in the TV and my cat again, I think the people on TV are talking to me, and general other craziness like that. The ski feeling I had is gone (I feel like I have giant skis on my feet and I'm scared that when I lie down I'm going to hurt the TV with them, even though I'm a good 4 feet away from the TV) and the hallucinations are there, but less. Some things come, some things go. I guess that's the trade-off
Stress/Mood/Sleep/Food: Stressed about Geo, Mood is good still (except for the thing with my sister) and I slept good last night, 10 hours. Food: I went over my calories with 2 grilled cheese sandwiches. Had I known they were so bad, I would have avoided them, but what can you do? It's eaten. Today I was hungry, compared to yesterday when I had to force myself to eat. It's all crazy. I try and eat between 1500-1800 calories a day. Too few and then I won't lose weight, much more and I might gain. I weighed today, 247.5 again, so still down. Good.
Okay, time for the rant. I was talking to my sister yesterday, and I told her I have blackouts. She kept on insisting that it sounds like I'm spacing out when I have had doctors tell me they are blackouts and possibly epilepsy. I have to always defend myself towards her. She even said that to me... she said I'm constantly defending my disorders or whatever to her. I do that because she doesn't believe me when I say I have something. She likes to think that she knows everything about me, but there is a lot I don't tell her. They say you can't diagnose family, and she proves it... she just doesn't want to see that there are things wrong with me, or that the things wrong with me aren't what I think they are. I know I can be a hypochondriac sometimes, but still... I have had doctors verify the things I tell her, it's not like I'm self-diagnosing and then telling her what I think I have.
I think she might be scared that I'm going to think I have Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD) because of the blackouts. We were talking a couple weeks ago and I was telling her MPD is something I don't have, and she did say something about blackouts, but I had told her about the blackouts before that so it's not like I'm only talking about the blackouts after I thought about MPD and decided I want to have it. I don't have MPD and I'm okay with that. I don't want MPD. I was trying to think of the major psych disorders there are out there that I don't have, and I do have signs of the major ones. I have had ED's, bipolar and now diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic. I also have Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not a sociopath or a psychopath, though, and those are other commonly known disorders out there. I'm not a narcissist (but I do know I'm pretty) and I don't remember what histrionic personality disorder was, but I'm pretty sure I'm not that either. I just know there are a lot of things out there mentally that I'm not, and I don't like that my sister assumes that I'm just going to latch on to any diagnosis I find and call myself it.
I think that's what gets me the most... that she doesn't trust me. I think if she trusted me, she would believe me when I said I had something and not spend half the conversation trying to prove me wrong. I know when I'm right... I have had doctors tell me what a blackout is. I didn't know what it was when I told them what happened, and then they told me it was a blackout. It's not like I wanted this to happen.
My paranoia has also been getting the best of me lately. I'm paranoid of the cameras in the TV and my cat again, I think the people on TV are talking to me, and general other craziness like that. The ski feeling I had is gone (I feel like I have giant skis on my feet and I'm scared that when I lie down I'm going to hurt the TV with them, even though I'm a good 4 feet away from the TV) and the hallucinations are there, but less. Some things come, some things go. I guess that's the trade-off
Stress/Mood/Sleep/Food: Stressed about Geo, Mood is good still (except for the thing with my sister) and I slept good last night, 10 hours. Food: I went over my calories with 2 grilled cheese sandwiches. Had I known they were so bad, I would have avoided them, but what can you do? It's eaten. Today I was hungry, compared to yesterday when I had to force myself to eat. It's all crazy. I try and eat between 1500-1800 calories a day. Too few and then I won't lose weight, much more and I might gain. I weighed today, 247.5 again, so still down. Good.
Replies
To often when we tell our family members about our illnesses, trhey don\'t understand them or us, they don\'t know how to react andso they sa things that are negative to shut us down without thinking. I am sure your sister means no harm when she does this to you, she just does not know how to react to what you are saying and so she tries to get you to stop talkong about the subject by putting you down. The nesxt time she does this, try changing the subject and see if that makes her more friendly towards you.