Worried about the future
For the past few months my cfs has been flaring up and continues to interfere with my life. I have been feeling much worse. I am exhausted all the time, my body hurts, i get very light headed easily, i'm always felling nauseous or have sharp pain in my stomach. Most of all i hate how limited i am to do anything..
I have gone through this all when i was about 15-17 years old. I had been doing so much better after i did a trial antiviral medication around 17. I started to make a life because, i finally felt good enough to get out of bed for more than a hour. I began volunteering for my community. I started hanging out with friends again. I found a job i love. Then found a boyfriend and fell in love with him. Both him and my job are very understanding about my limitations well they try to be understanding anyways. They both help in a lot of ways. Most of the time it makes me feel guilty.
I don't understand why I can feel better than blink and be worse again. It all comes in waves. I hate that cfs is something i have to learn to live with the rest of my life. I had a little hope that after the medication we tried it was going to be gone. In reality i know now that's probably not ever going to happen. How do i have a normal adult life being sick all the time like i am?
I know lots of women out there do it all the time, please share with me how. Will i ever be able to have a house and family to take care of? Are children even a option for me? Will i always be able to have a job and support myself? I guess its just the unknown that scares me. I know i am not at my worse right now but it has made me very discouraged all summer. I really worry about getting worse as i get older. I know right now i am only 19 years old but sometimes i feel like i am 40yr... All that i can keep thinking about is if i feel 40yr. old now how am i going to feel when i am really 40.
I have gone through this all when i was about 15-17 years old. I had been doing so much better after i did a trial antiviral medication around 17. I started to make a life because, i finally felt good enough to get out of bed for more than a hour. I began volunteering for my community. I started hanging out with friends again. I found a job i love. Then found a boyfriend and fell in love with him. Both him and my job are very understanding about my limitations well they try to be understanding anyways. They both help in a lot of ways. Most of the time it makes me feel guilty.
I don't understand why I can feel better than blink and be worse again. It all comes in waves. I hate that cfs is something i have to learn to live with the rest of my life. I had a little hope that after the medication we tried it was going to be gone. In reality i know now that's probably not ever going to happen. How do i have a normal adult life being sick all the time like i am?
I know lots of women out there do it all the time, please share with me how. Will i ever be able to have a house and family to take care of? Are children even a option for me? Will i always be able to have a job and support myself? I guess its just the unknown that scares me. I know i am not at my worse right now but it has made me very discouraged all summer. I really worry about getting worse as i get older. I know right now i am only 19 years old but sometimes i feel like i am 40yr... All that i can keep thinking about is if i feel 40yr. old now how am i going to feel when i am really 40.
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