worried

I think that T is up to eyeballs in drugs.  He's become so distant - never home, very evasive even more and more.  Because he's not getting arrested and no longer are we getting calls from the high school (since he's not there anymore) - it's not in our faces - WHICH IS BEGINNING TO SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF ME.  WE ARE NOT ACTING. Counselor said he thinks that if we kick our son out - he will begin to start using heroin, that he would get worse. Well, from what our second born said - he's already toying with heroin!  I wanted so badly to hear what I heard from our counselor.  All he kept saying is that hubby and I have to be on the same page but -- he didn't tell my husband the importance of doing something.  Other counselors (that I got some advice from) tell us that we need to "act" - whatever that is.  
I want to have an intervention for him.  Something.....

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

That\'s what ticks me off. No one seems to be able to tell you what to do, only that you should do something. Like you said, whatever that is, BUT, if and when he gets in trouble do not bail him out.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Wow, I feel so much hurt for you as I know what this is like.
I cannot be a counselor to you, but can offer you what worked for me, so far. This was very hard to do and you have to be strong enough for the both of you, but it can be done.
My son is now 23 days clean and has been in rehab since he almost died of an overdose a few weeks ago.
Months ago, like in the Fall, I searched my heart out and community for ways to get him help. I couldn\'t find advocacy or help as my son fit into \" THE GRAY AREA\" , meaning there is no help for the the children because in their age bracket they are more likely to use drugs and need help, and our state can\'t afford it so it got blocked.
So, Here is how I tried to help my son first, and How I am helping him now. I had to suck it up, all the fear of what might happen and how much will he hate me, THEN I called the Sheriff and had them send someone out to talk to my son about his use. I knew he had pot on him, but not Subs, a heroine addiction recovery pill( so I have been told). He didn\'t get arrested for the residual pot he had, it was carp , stems and seeds, BUT he got arrested for the Subs, then of course they threw in the pot. I left him in County jail for a few hours, which was a long time to a kid- he was a minor then. He called me several times and I told him I would think about getting him out, that I was not sure if I wanted too. Truth be told I was driving the county, LOST, looking for him, but he never knew that. I bailed him out, with money from his own banking account, then took him home. He thought he was going to get a riot act, but his father and I saved our words as we knew they would just blow through the wind. We made him write his court date on the calendar and offered to take him. He was relieved. We appeared to find the judge pretty forward and blunt without pity. The DA was going to throw the kid in Jail until they found out I had him arrested to get treatment by a judge so that if he wasn\'t going to go to treatment then he could sit his bottom in jail. It worked for a while, then we had to go aggressive,like four to five days a week, as he was found to be still using. He didn\'t drive, so it was sort of punishment for me, but we did it. Eventually he got caught up in another being caught with pot and had to return to a different court. This judge payed no games either, he had us in court every time he could. Now it\'ll be a yer, but he\'s on an ACD there too . The first one is expired , but he has to be careful now until the next. Meanwhile, he overdosed several weeks ago and I took him to the ER where he was treated then in ICU where he was so close to death, they said he should be dead. He had a cocktail of drugs in him that would kill any elephant. He stopped breathing there many times as his respiratory system wanted to fail, but I tried to wake him and poked him and shouted for him to breathe each time he stopped, every few minutes. This was my nightmare. He didn\'t know what was happening yet. While he was out of it, the staff sent a drug rep from a rehab to me immediately to start getting the ball rolling to get him in. I did it and when he woke, he signed off and went. I should tell you that I told him\"IF YOU DON\"T GET HELP NOW, DON\"T COME HOME\" This was so hard as I am close to my son. It worked, he started program and when he was well enough, we transferred him to another with his peer aged groupies to be with.He remains there until , I am not sure yet. But perhaps until I see in him that he is true to non use. His eyes tell stories to me. I never really saw it through his avoidance and sleeping, sneaking out, and partying, but now I see. We will take it one week at a time. It is so wonderful to know I can visit a son who can look me in the eyes and talk to me without gibberish and hate. I hope this works for us, and if you try this, I hope you have the strength to endure and stick with it. The hardest is the pleading and begging they do for simple thing, like even a cigarette or caffeine. There is none of that allowed there. It is cold turkey off every substance they are addicted to. I love the newness of his appearance and attitude, so far.
deleted_user
deleted_user

I think that no counselor can \"tell you\" what to do. They may be able to share experiences, pros and cons as well as what the research has to say. Particularly with addiction, there are trends, but no sure fire solution. Therefore, the nature of the intervention or destiny of your relationship with your child has to be a best fit for you; one that you and your husband take ownership of...otherwise there will be recriminations, what ifs, should ofs and so on....hope this p.o.v makes sense. TAKE CARE
deleted_user
deleted_user

My heart goes out to you as well. My daughter is now 26 and I have been dealing with this situation for at least 5 years. It has only gotten progressively worse. She has been in rehab 3 times and at one point I even spent $12,000 of my own money for a treatment known as neuro-transmitter restoration. This treatment is very effective however they have to continue the follow up therapy which she did not do on regulatr basis. And, the key ....... I\'ve learned through all this is \"people, places and things\". I truly believe my daughter wants the help, but addiction is so strong and her\'s started with anxiety medication for which she truly has a major anxiety disorder. The xanax, kolonipin, somas, to pain pills, to herion, then suboxene. Suboxene helped for a while but as long as they are in the same environment I truly believe it\'s almost impossible. When she\'s on her two antidepressants ONLY, she is good and I have my daughter back, but the minute she can get her hands on the benzos or opiates, she\'s right back on the track again. Problem here is..... she has a legitimate prescription of anxiety meds and soma. However, once she gets them she abuses them. She\'s overdosed 7 times and was on a ventilator once.

She is now in jail, even after being arrested staying in jail 18 days, appearing before a judge, being sentenced for a felony (herion possession) 5 yrs probation, drug court (18 months) and two weeks into it she\'s back in jail. She has been there now for 24 days and the judge is sending her to treatment now. But, it\'s for 28 days and I really don\'t have much faith that this will help. 28 days is not enough!!!! They need long term treatment which unless you have great insurance or you are weathly doesn\'t happen. That\'s where I am today. She really wants to get away from the area where we live and the people but as long as she is on probation she can not leave the state. I truly believe that will be the only chance she has.

So, I hope you don\'t get to this point with your son. I hope he can get the treatment he needs right away. These demons don\'t let go, they just continue to torment for a very long time. There are success stories though and I just keep putting it in the hands of GOD and I know that is the only hope there is. I do have to admit that the jail time has given my daughter time to think with a clear head about her situation. She now can admit she doesn\'t want to be there again. She wants to change her life and knows she needs help to do so. GOD bless you and your family.