worn out
i am just worn out!!!! setting boundaries with prince charming re: drug use. within 24 hours after discharge from the hospital he is supplementing pain meds with hidden stash of tranquilizers. A LARGE AMOUNT OF TRANQUILIZERS. you know what hits the fan, all stashed(??????) drugs are flushed and yet another promise for compliance is extracted and we are expected to carry on like the happily ever after family that we are not. okay , with me in charge of medication, a few days pass and he his not high and based on his non-compliant activity level i can assume that pain is adequately controlled. this is his third back surgery in the same place, it would take a complete idiot not to realize that non-compliance with medical advise plays a role in the continuing complications he is encountering. last night-just 5 days post surgery with a a six inch healing suture line at the base of his spine, i find him in the garage carrying boxes of wood and reaching to top shelves to find some shit to fix the dishwasher (it has been broken for 2 years). i lost it REALLY lost it, after five days of power struggle with him to try to enforce compliance so he can finally physically heal I LOST IT. since i do not know how to stop once in that place, i asked my sons to finish making dinner, grabbed my purse and left.
this is one of the most self destructive men on the planet!!!!! i came home apologized to my children for the scene,as it was because of MY lack of control, and apologized to prince charming for my lack of control. unfortunately, he cannot or will not accept his contribution to the family's pain. he is the misunderstood victim. AARRGGHHH. BLAMING ME FOR THE FACT THAT HIS ADULT CHILDREN KNOW HE IS AN ADDICT< AND BLAMING ME FOR THEIR ANGER TOWARDS HIM. i looked around and said if i stay i am as crazy as he is so:
i handed him his pills, i brought him the box of wound care supplies and outlined the plan for the divorce, the plan that meets MY NEEDS. if i thought he looked gray and pasty before...... i dont think he thought i would ever do it.
this is one of the most self destructive men on the planet!!!!! i came home apologized to my children for the scene,as it was because of MY lack of control, and apologized to prince charming for my lack of control. unfortunately, he cannot or will not accept his contribution to the family's pain. he is the misunderstood victim. AARRGGHHH. BLAMING ME FOR THE FACT THAT HIS ADULT CHILDREN KNOW HE IS AN ADDICT< AND BLAMING ME FOR THEIR ANGER TOWARDS HIM. i looked around and said if i stay i am as crazy as he is so:
i handed him his pills, i brought him the box of wound care supplies and outlined the plan for the divorce, the plan that meets MY NEEDS. if i thought he looked gray and pasty before...... i dont think he thought i would ever do it.
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