working on nt

working on it. or am i? I don't go to meetings. I don't go to work. I'm painting the rental house, that's work, right? Eventually that will have a payoff, right? RIGHT? I hope. I miss drinking. I miss going out with my husband and getting silly. We don't talk about anything but our problems, our kids, our problem-kids... I'm eating too much. I am mindlessly eating, jamming things in my face constantly, especially sugar... I am not using any of the tools at my disposal. Mindfullness... meditation... self-hypnosis... letter writing... coping bank... candles... prayer.... laughter... I have so much. I have good friends, supportive family. My daughter is ... where.... I can't sleep. I'm not doing anything for her. I need to reach out to her again. I'm tired of getting burned. I don't like the guy she lives with. He's 33, she's 21. She lied about his age. She lied about smoking in the house. She's dirty and foul-mouthed. She was honors student, National Honor Society, Band, scholarships, brilliant writer... she's so smart, and was such a good person... what the hell, how do I get back to HER.... I'm not in recovery right now... i'm just existing... i feel stagnant... i'm not working any program... I need help. God. God, help me to help myself. I want to be better for my kids, my family, my friends... I want to be stronger. I want to be capable.I want to have self-confidence. I want to feel I can. I CAN. Start now. Start right this minute. What needs done: START.