Working on my future
One day at a time. This is how I am planning to deal with my current situation. There is no light at the end of the tunnel yet and I am feeling really down. I have been married to a nice man for 22 years and I am about to see a not-so-nice side of him. We have a daughter who has been, just like my mother was during my early years, attacking me in creative ways. Both my mother and my daughter have bipolar disorder. Unfortunately this is a condition that skips one generation and I did not know I could have a child with the same condition. I have been away from my mother since I moved back to the US - about 18 year ago. I thought that I could be strong enough and create a family that would not have to go through what I went through because of my mother's inability to show love. I was wrong. After raising my daughter for all these years, working like a maniac, I see my life crumbling again. This time because of my daughter. She is very close to her father, my husband, and has him around her finger. No matter what I see and I am able to analyze, she is constantly bringing him against me and my desire to make this a respectful family. My daughter is 3 months pregnant now, got pregnant while drunk. The father of the child knows her only for 3 1/2 months. My daughter barely can take care of herself, stopped college and spends her days watching Disney channel in our home. I tried talking to my husband, asking him to help me and make her understand that it is time to grow up, find a place to live with her soon-to-be born child and boyfriend, work for this child. He is not willing to talk to her. She lives in her room in our home, full of clothes, food, all on the floor. This is obviously a reflection of her mind. I am about to ask for a divorce and let them live their lives while I move on with mine. At this point I would rather live alone than breathe the self distruction I am surround of. This is killing me inside.
Replies
Welcome to DS, sorry you gotta be here. I hope you find good support here as well
My thoughts are with you. You have chosen a rough journey but sometimes, the peace is worth the effort. There is a book that I am reading and will probably read the rest of my life and it\'s called \"The Language of Letting Go\". I think you would enjoy it. Big hugs my friend.
Hey Caligirl67410I love to read so this weekend when I go to Barnes & Nobles I will pick up the book you recommended :)
You have so much to have to fight through (much more than I do) and your not getting help from those you should quite rightly expect to give that help. Stepping back and letting them deal with it alone with give you time and maybe even bring it home to them how important you are to them.
The wife/mother is the most important link in the family home, the hub that everything revolves around. If they dont take care of you then they cant expect their \'wheel\' to go round! Sounds to me like your thinking along the right lines, you need to take care of yourself now.
aj
After 22 years and an adult child with a grandchild coming - that is a lot to invest just to end it with a divorce. So maybe you can find a different solution like start making some healthy boundaries, and you will be needed to help with the new baby. Other men are just as hard headed, and your daughter will always need you even if you move out. Divorce does not often solve any of the real problems.
To me, divorce is the final option, and it brings along all sorts of painful consequences of it\'s own. But with God, beauty and a new life can come from the ashes. I agree with what Booky said above.
Hi Booky and gMaN60, my story has different points of view and it is hard to minimize the issues in some instances but I will try. My mother has severe bipolar disorder. She got married about the same age that my daughter got pregnant: 19 years old. I was born in US and my parents divorced, my mother took me to Brazil and I was raised by her parents. The only memories I have from my mother are related to physical and verbal abuse.
When I got married in Brazil and had my daughter I wanted to give her a life with no or minimum issues, I wanted to be the best I could be as a mother, a provider, and this is exactly what I did for 19 years. I brought both husband and daughter to US. Well, my daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was 14 after running away from home several times, and I lived through her the physical and verbal abuse - all over. Being sandwiched between my mother\'s and my daughter\'s situation I am not getting any support from my husband. He sees nothing wrong with her and he does not related to the medical condition that the doctors provided. I have been the pilar but my needs have not been fulfilled. Friends are in most instances judgmental and I am finding here the support I need to see that I am not a bad person for thinking about me even though I am reaching my middle age and may go through some hardship after the divorce.