Worked Today
Today I managed to make it into work. I'm glad since last night I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to make it in. I woke up feeling okay, and so I went in. I find that once I get dressed in my uniform for work I start feeling like not going. I think that's when my body registers that it's time for me to get serious about going in, and to turn back and go to bed. I don't want the responsibilities of going in and having to get stuff done and be productive. Tomorrow I'm going to try and go in too. I'm hoping I have the same success that I had today. Even though I had a bit of a confrontation today at work (which I will get to in just a bit) I still should go in tomorrow. I don't want the women at work to think I'm trying to hide from them. I don't have anything to be ashamed of... I'm just different, that's all. Well, I guess I should explain.
Today I was open with my coworkers about my bipolar, depression and all of that. They tried to be as supportive as they could be, and I appreciate that. The thing is, they did it in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. They went all Jesus Freak on me, telling me I should go to church, one woman prayed over me, and said that they were going to give me scriptures. I know this is encouraging to Christians, but I'm an atheist. I don't want them to know that, though. I know that they are nice and everything, but they are gossipy. I have seen them say hurtful things to people and I try and stand up for them. I don't think they are trying to hurt that woman, but they are I'm sure. One of the women calls another one fat and makes weight loss jokes to her all the time. I know they are friends, but I'm sure that woman feels hurt despite that. I'm scared they would turn on me and start saying stuff like that to me. I don't want that to happen.
I like working at the clinic. Besides that one thing, it's perfect for me. It's within walking distance of my apartment so I don't have to worry about not being able to drive. For the most part, people there like and respect me. They appreciate my help and are vocal about it. For example, I was telling the girls about the depression, and one woman commented “what we are here for is to help you, so let us know what we can do to help.” She didn't say it exactly like that, but she meant it. It's just that my atheism is making me stand out, and I don't like that. I wish I could believe sometimes and be like everyone else, but knowing what I know I don't think I could turn back. I don't think I want to be blind again. I remember going back to church when I was in LA and showing a friend a scripture we had both read as Christians but never really realized what it said. I don't want to be like that again. I think once your eyes are opened, it takes a lot to go back.
That being said, religion is a good thing for a lot of people. I wouldn't try and make my friends atheists and I don't want them to try and make me Christian. As long as there is mutual respect then it's okay. I understand religion is a great support for a lot of people and can give people a new start, a shoulder to cry on, and a supportive group of friends. It's a great bonding tool, and that's why I don't want the people at work to know I'm not part of their club so to speak. I want to belong, but I'm not going to lie. They asked me what church I went to and I said none. I was honest. But so far nobody's asked me what religion I am or if I believe in god. I can quote the Bible and seem Christian, but that's the farthest I'll go to look Christian.
I've ranted enough about that for now. Mood today was good.. just a bit uncomfortable at work, like I said. Food today was good... I was in the calorie range that I wanted to be in. I had leftover chili for breakfast, a Greek yogurt and Cheetoes for lunch, and orange ginger stir fry with rice for dinner. My tooth was hurting today for some unknown reason (well, I know why, I have a cavity there) and so I was trying to eat soft foods like yogurt and rice. The Cheetoes were just a craving that I had. Sleep last night was good... I wasn't tired when I woke up, but when I put my uniform on I got tired and made some coffee. I'm going to go to sleep early tonight so I can wake up earlier tomorrow and hopefully make it into work by noon. Stress today was moderate... I'm still worried about Geo's surgery (he can't get it right now at all) and with the whole drama at work thing. I hope I can go in tomorrow and face the women!
Today I was open with my coworkers about my bipolar, depression and all of that. They tried to be as supportive as they could be, and I appreciate that. The thing is, they did it in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. They went all Jesus Freak on me, telling me I should go to church, one woman prayed over me, and said that they were going to give me scriptures. I know this is encouraging to Christians, but I'm an atheist. I don't want them to know that, though. I know that they are nice and everything, but they are gossipy. I have seen them say hurtful things to people and I try and stand up for them. I don't think they are trying to hurt that woman, but they are I'm sure. One of the women calls another one fat and makes weight loss jokes to her all the time. I know they are friends, but I'm sure that woman feels hurt despite that. I'm scared they would turn on me and start saying stuff like that to me. I don't want that to happen.
I like working at the clinic. Besides that one thing, it's perfect for me. It's within walking distance of my apartment so I don't have to worry about not being able to drive. For the most part, people there like and respect me. They appreciate my help and are vocal about it. For example, I was telling the girls about the depression, and one woman commented “what we are here for is to help you, so let us know what we can do to help.” She didn't say it exactly like that, but she meant it. It's just that my atheism is making me stand out, and I don't like that. I wish I could believe sometimes and be like everyone else, but knowing what I know I don't think I could turn back. I don't think I want to be blind again. I remember going back to church when I was in LA and showing a friend a scripture we had both read as Christians but never really realized what it said. I don't want to be like that again. I think once your eyes are opened, it takes a lot to go back.
That being said, religion is a good thing for a lot of people. I wouldn't try and make my friends atheists and I don't want them to try and make me Christian. As long as there is mutual respect then it's okay. I understand religion is a great support for a lot of people and can give people a new start, a shoulder to cry on, and a supportive group of friends. It's a great bonding tool, and that's why I don't want the people at work to know I'm not part of their club so to speak. I want to belong, but I'm not going to lie. They asked me what church I went to and I said none. I was honest. But so far nobody's asked me what religion I am or if I believe in god. I can quote the Bible and seem Christian, but that's the farthest I'll go to look Christian.
I've ranted enough about that for now. Mood today was good.. just a bit uncomfortable at work, like I said. Food today was good... I was in the calorie range that I wanted to be in. I had leftover chili for breakfast, a Greek yogurt and Cheetoes for lunch, and orange ginger stir fry with rice for dinner. My tooth was hurting today for some unknown reason (well, I know why, I have a cavity there) and so I was trying to eat soft foods like yogurt and rice. The Cheetoes were just a craving that I had. Sleep last night was good... I wasn't tired when I woke up, but when I put my uniform on I got tired and made some coffee. I'm going to go to sleep early tonight so I can wake up earlier tomorrow and hopefully make it into work by noon. Stress today was moderate... I'm still worried about Geo's surgery (he can't get it right now at all) and with the whole drama at work thing. I hope I can go in tomorrow and face the women!
Replies
WTGGGG for going to work anyway even when it would have been much easier to just go back to bed that takes alot to still go!
Hmmm as for the religon thing.. well i was raised christain and even though i dont go to church anywhere for long time i still believe in somethings like i did when i was growing up... BUT theway i look at it is everyone is entitled to believe in whatever it is to bring them strength and hope... i dont think anyone has the right to mae someone else feel uncomfortable about it. I guess if i was you i would do the same thing and not tell them what you bellieve just so it dont interfer with how you feel while you are at work since you already know they can tend to be gossipy... but if they ask what religon you are or something like that i would just say well i tend to leave those topics at home its sorta something i hold personal and dont really share about it in the work place... or something like that s they wont keep pressuring you about it. Hope you can sleep well tonight and tomarrow is a much more comfortable day at work than today.
Kudos for going to work. Hopefully it makes the next days struggle easier. As for the religion situation at work I would do as you are doing now and only share what makes you comfortable. If they continue to pressure you let them know they are making you uncomfortable and hopefully they will ease up.