Work Office Visit 12/19/2013

Well I went into the office for a few hours to see my friend Brian off to his new job. I'm going to miss his as he's the one person at work that I always had fun with. I know he is going to a better job with more opportunities to move ahead.
I enjoy my work and appreciate the fact that I can work from home but I need to try and get to the office even if its a day or two a week. My productivity suffering in the office but I need to think about my mental health. I feel like I have to be in-front of my computer every second of the day in-case there is an issue. I pride myself on taking care of issues within minutes of a problem arising. That's find but if I'm falling apart mentally I'll be good to know one.
I have to force myself out of the house even if I just run down to Starbucks or Subway for something different.
I'm amazed how the events of the past 6 weeks have spun me so far out of control. The sad thing is that I was so close to the edge but just didn't want to admit it. I kept hanging on to that idea that I can do this without help or meds. I can just tough it out. I know now that is not the case. Sometimes no matter how strong you are you need help.
I needed help and now I'm getting help. I will work with my primary doc. I will work with my therapist. I will take the meds. I will force myself to do what I have to do. Some days will be better some days will be worse. I refuse to be weak any longer. If I have to fight this battle every minute of every day then so be it. I'm tired of this stupid helpless feeling and I'm not going to deal with it anymore.
I have to realize that normal days can never compare to the good old days. I need to enjoy the good memories not use them as a day to day gauge. I know that is sucks to get old. Everything that I used to look forward too I no longer want to do. I need to somehow find new things that I can look forward to. After the holidays I'll start playing my guitar again. I know that I don't enjoy playing like I did back in the day but it's a sin to allow talent to go unused.
I pray I can get my health back to normal over the next sevearl months. I feel like I've fallen apart after doing so well over the summer. It's amazing how fast things can spiral out of control. I wonder why bad things can happen so fast but it seems like good things take forever to arise. Maybe it just seems that way. Next time something good happens I'll be sure to take note.
More to come....

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

\"After the holidays I\'ll start playing my guitar again.\"

Tonight I plugged my Strat into my Princeton Reverb and played for a while. Of course, callouses completely gone. But I must be feeling better to have even played a little. Sounded sweet! Hope you can start playing again soon!
HOPE1955
HOPE1955

I too look forward to you picking up the guitar and playing again. I have no musical talent but used to listen to music every day and sing along. I haven\'t done that in way over a year. Don\'t know why we lose the ability to enjoy the things that bring us happiness. Seems like we would be trying to hold onto those things tightly. Hope when you start playing again it will lighten your load and bring you some joy. I may make myself turn out the lights tonight, turn on some music and try to sing my heart out. Man I wish I could play!