Work Break 1/8/2014
So the chronic pain has been going between mild to moderate most of the day. I tried the pain cream but I don't know if it's doing anything and sometimes I swear it makes it worse after awhile. I'm just feeling a bit helpless right now. I have to call that dermatologist tomorrow to make an appointment. Honestly I do not have high hopes with that doc either. Apparently I'm an f-ing medical wonder. Maybe I can donate my body to science. It's hard to remember a normal day it's been so long.
They cancelled that stupid meeting for today. Thank God I didn't go into the office or I would have thrown a fit and probably a few chairs! No one showed up except my manager. He was pissed because he thinks this project is as stupid as I do then the goofs don't even show up for their own meeting! Wow. Somehow this world has become totally ass backwards. I'm testing the Sales stuff and that's the only important thing to me right now work wise.
Anyway, back to my daily rant. I'm only 2 days into the Prednisone so I'm not sure if I should be feeling anything yet or how long that stuff takes to work if it will even work at all. Considering the Prednisone idea was basically my own version of a Hail Mary long pass I figured it couldn't hurt and I can tell the dermatologist the results of my own personal lab test. I'm like an f-ing test guinea pig at this point. It's bad enough being depressed and alone, do I really have to be in constant pain on top of it all? My own personal "Trails of Job" it would seem.
I want to get better just so my poor mom can stop worrying. I would try to lie and say I feel fine but she has that crazy mom instinct even over the phone and she knows I'm lying so it's just better to tell her when I'm in pain rather then argue about not telling the truth.
Maybe someday I'll find a way to control the pain. I keep trying to accept it but its hard when it makes you not want to go anywhere. At least I can lift weights at home. I have to push myself but I do it. Today I did back and shoulders. I'm keeping the weights light but I'm glad to just do anything. I want to get back to the regular gym but not in this condition.
I just pray that God helps me find some relief soon. My wagon of crap is over full and it's getting harder to pull it along...
They cancelled that stupid meeting for today. Thank God I didn't go into the office or I would have thrown a fit and probably a few chairs! No one showed up except my manager. He was pissed because he thinks this project is as stupid as I do then the goofs don't even show up for their own meeting! Wow. Somehow this world has become totally ass backwards. I'm testing the Sales stuff and that's the only important thing to me right now work wise.
Anyway, back to my daily rant. I'm only 2 days into the Prednisone so I'm not sure if I should be feeling anything yet or how long that stuff takes to work if it will even work at all. Considering the Prednisone idea was basically my own version of a Hail Mary long pass I figured it couldn't hurt and I can tell the dermatologist the results of my own personal lab test. I'm like an f-ing test guinea pig at this point. It's bad enough being depressed and alone, do I really have to be in constant pain on top of it all? My own personal "Trails of Job" it would seem.
I want to get better just so my poor mom can stop worrying. I would try to lie and say I feel fine but she has that crazy mom instinct even over the phone and she knows I'm lying so it's just better to tell her when I'm in pain rather then argue about not telling the truth.
Maybe someday I'll find a way to control the pain. I keep trying to accept it but its hard when it makes you not want to go anywhere. At least I can lift weights at home. I have to push myself but I do it. Today I did back and shoulders. I'm keeping the weights light but I'm glad to just do anything. I want to get back to the regular gym but not in this condition.
I just pray that God helps me find some relief soon. My wagon of crap is over full and it's getting harder to pull it along...
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