words (free wright)
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me ?
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words ..
I'm asked if im picked on im asked why lie i'm asked why i don't try
words We say that don't hurt but we know its a lie we know is the 1 thing that comes to mine and even makes us cry but why we know its just a dumb lie so why
Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will break my confidence words will break my trust words will break me till i'm nothing but dust . Yes i know it's not true i know i'm not dumb so why does it hurt.
So why do we say words don't hurt why do lie is it cus we dont want people to know how we feel inside
Replies
words matter, words can encourage and lift up, they can comfort and make us feel loved and cared for, or they can shred us particularly if they come from someone we trust or look up to, or someone who has control over our lives for one reason or another.
It is not just the words of others that matter though, it is also the words we tell ourselves. My father had a phrase he used toward me so often it became something i said to myself, that added to my suffering. "lazy no good son of a bitch" things like this, repeated so often especially to a vulnerable child are not only a travesty, they can have life long effects. I escaped my father's household when I was 16 yet i was 36 and in therapy before i managed to stop repeating his lie to myself any time i saw my reflection, or most times when i thought of my own character.
In recovery we call such personal words, "negative self talk" Years ago, i had a friend named Alda. She had endured much suffering. Though we had come to know one another, she expressed this attitude toward me that, "you do not consider me valuable" In fact she got more specific and said to me, "you do not even think i am worth a dollar." Her "negative self talk" came from my poverty. I am disabled and have lived on a very limited income (400$ a month) My phone is free but does not have international calling. She was from Canada so, her phone allowed her to call me but mine did not allow me to call her. I could text her freely, but she concluded, that because i was unable to afford buying a calling card so i could call her. Our friendship could not continue. I can not participate in a friendship with someone who believes i do not value them because, from their position, they are subjecting themselves to a person who is abusive toward them (even if it is only an attitude in their mind) Recovery dictates we practice self care, and because she was convinced she did not matter to me, sharing anything with me was not self care for her. It still grieves me.
Here is my point. ( I usually have one though i am often slow to get there) Because you have endured abuse, it is likely you have thoughts that are self deprecating. All that "negative self talk" is garbage you need to find a way to throw away. None of it is true and i can prove that to you.
You expressed how distressing the anniversary of losing your friend was to you.. It was distressing because, you loved him, and you loved him because he was kind to you. All of those details tell me, that you are compassionate, that you have no interest in causing other people harm. These facts make you a decent person.
Personally, where words are concerned, first i consider the source. I trust words of my friends and those i care most for, who have known me for years. Even so, I have a brother who, though he is loving and supportive, he is also completely ignorant when it comes to ptsd, or any kind of suffering that can come about from abuse. He is one of those who say, "its in the past just get over it" Those opinions have no weight to me because i know they are spoken in absolute ignorance. (He is loving, but he is also a bit of an idiot. lol)
Please take particular care in whose words you trust and put weight into, and also when you speak words about yourself to yourself be gentle and kind.