woooow 'door slam"

Now that I know my personality type I looked into why I might have acted the way I acted in my recently broken up relationship. I found something so similar it was scary and completly eye opening and now I feel much more harmonius in what  have done and why I ended it:



INFJs tend to slip away quietly.


Rather, they’ll simply find ways to spend less time with the other person; they’ll stop answering their texts or they’ll say no to invitations to hang out


In many cases, the INFJ door slam is justified. INFJs tend to be “nice” people who listen with empathy, care deeply about others, and have a strong desire to help. For these reasons, INFJs can attract emotionally needy friends or partners. INFJs may even find themselves drawn to toxic people, wanting to help or heal them. After a while, these unbalanced relationships become draining and damaging, and the INFJ must cut them off to save their sanity.


Instead of talking to the other person about how they feel, INFJs may bottle up their feelings until they can’t take it anymore, then simply cut off the offending party. The other person is left not knowing what happened or what they did wrong.


Mature INFJs have learned that no one is perfect and that they can’t constantly cut people out of their lives — otherwise, there will eventually be no one left. They learn to be more assertive and stand up for themselves; they find ways to resolve the root problem so they can maintain the relationship (if it’s a good one and worth holding onto). But this is somewhat misunderstood for criticism and it might as well be; INFJs tend to act on impulse, and in relationships may pick out things that can seriously be damaging to the partner's’ ego.  


 


They set boundaries and discover how to interact with others in ways that work for them but it takes two to work through it, and if the other partner doesn’t seem to reciprocate, change, or reassure, the INFJ will feel misunderstood and lonely.


 


INFJs are emotional and sensitive, and sometimes the pain is just too much.


They take their connections to others very seriously, making it very hard for the INFJ to leave even a bad relationship behind, at the same time they may feel they have to do what is necessary for each others happiness, even if that means abandoning those closest to them. The INFJ does not “Door Slam” someone lightly, this is something that takes a lot of time before the emotion builds up much too strong for them to continue.


 


 They want to believe in people, but even the strongest individuals can only take so much pain. Eventually the INFJ becomes completely emotionally burnt out, causing them to move on from someone’s life. This often takes time after time of the INFJ being upset and emotional, trying to resolve the problem. Eventually, they see no other option but to let go of the person that is harming them and/or that they feel they are harming. Sadly being so rare, INFJs tend to feel like a burden even when they are helping people, and resort to taking it out on themselves.


 


There are a few basic reasons why the INFJ will shut someone out of their lives completely, but it all boils down to too much harmful behavior. INFJs will often endure a lot before they are forced to “Door Slam” someone. INFJs will feel the need to be picky and perfectionistic in their relationship, if their partner cannot understand it, the relationship could take a toll on the sensitive likings of the INFJ. Telling them they’re  too sensitive could be a big mistake.


Do not criticise them, as much as they are criticising you, no,  it is not directed that way nor is it their intention.


 


This door slam can be done in one of  two ways: the light hearted and  quick;  “I can’t do this anymore” (leaving you wondering why and feeling terrible)  or they can drop you quickly,with full anger and rage, perhaps even exposing your biggest insecurities while trying to back it up. They  may do this because it’s easier for them, they feel it will hurt you less if they have a reason behind their actions, but not realising it just hurts the both of you, with them regretting how mean they were and wishing they had not have given up fighting, and the person on the receiving end feeling, battered, bruised and targeted. But they will disappear regardless of how well they know you.


 


 


They understand perfectly that people make mistakes, they will even be willing to help you resolve your issues, but usually when one door slams you they will feel awful for a while, even acting  clingy, mainly just to check in that you’re ok. INFJs will never tell you what went wrong and why they shut you out, unless they feel you dislike them, as they hate anyone disliking them. INFJs feed off of others emotions, if you’re happy that’s all they need to move on, act sad and they will channel this into guilt, but will soon  realising why they did it and knowing it was for the best they will move on.




In conclusion the infamous “door slam” can hurt anyones ego and leave those they loved feeling much anger and pain.  Know that this was never the IFNJs intention and to accept that in doing this for themselves, they will feel much more harmonious in their efforts to be a good person.




Ok maybe deep down I do know breaking up with him was the best (and my only) option.


Replies

sjs777
sjs777

stay strong. knowledge will give you strength to grow and move forward