Wondering if anyone really reads this stuff...
I was just wondering if anyone really reads what others have to say. I used to. I just find that I don't have time anymore to enjoy things like this.After 12 years I started to hear from my father again. He was a violent alcoholic. My Mother stayed with him until I was 14. I tried to see him over the years and it was just never able to be civil. The last time was 12 years ago. He called me out of the blue about 2 months ago. His wife had just passed a few weeks before. I think he realized he was 70, alone, and afraid. He said he wanted to make things right again and has put my sister and I back as beneficiaries to his estate. Such as it is and all. You have to understand, even when not drunk, he was not a very pleasant person to deal with. I just think he can't help himself. He has low self esteem and what many would call "short man's syndrom". He is just very mean.I have been treating him very nice. I even sent him a Christmas gift. It is hard to stop having memories pop into my head of the horrible things he put us through. Some physical pain, but mostly the emotional pain and scars that just won't heal. I try to tell myself that it was another place and another time. That didn't really happen to me. It all really did though. Now I have a brave face on and keep giving him kind words. His sister just passed. I sent him a note about that. I am not trying to be a saint here. I am just trying to do what I think I would want if I were alone and realizing I had not done the right things in my life. God forgive me for hating and loving and not knowing where one starts and the other stops. Sometimes we think too much.
Replies
Hi HAPPYHAPPY,
well I guess I`ve answered your first question, Yes we do. I had`nt been in touch as had problem with my BROADBAND for nearly 9 months, swines wanted nearly $400 just to come out and look at it, screw them.
I`ve had some similar experiences in my family life, I know its not easy, but being the better person and trying to get through the emotional pain in the past and showing you are willing to help shows you are a good person. It is easier sometimes to just shut them out, but you are kind of showing your Pa, that even though he did those things and has done to himself what he has, you`ve come through that period and have`nt just walked on by. I can imagine the internal battle at times but as long as he does`nt take your help for granted I would say its the best option. At least you can look bach and say, even through the past damage and memories I did my best and have no reason to hate myself for doing it. I`m sure you`re Pa understands now the fool he had been by your positive and caring attitude.
I know what you mean about DS, I think it can be cathartic and helpful sometimes, but there is a danger you could spend hours each week sapping your emotional energy, relating to others without moving on and getting on with loved ones in life.
I know after I look up DS on NARC and do any replies I feel drained afterward. But its good to know those links you have forged are there if you need them, however long ago it was, like a best friend who lives too far away to be in touch too regularly, but when you do you do not feel any awkwardness or any less close. Anyway, you look after yourself, try not to let this stress you and make your life and NARC any more complicated. If you are like me it makes my condition worse, almost unmanageable. I`m just getting together myself after I nearly lost my DAD a year ago, he had a VT, ventricular tachacardia attack, the blood to the heart just stops as it is pumping too fast and hard. The shock of seeing him die in my arms for those couple of minutes and the effect on my mother and his recouperation effected me badly, truely I don`t know what day it is sometimes. But thats life, I guess, I`m going through \"decent\" patch at the moment, so thought I`d say hello, all my love Ashleyxx
Hi HAPPYHAPPY,
well I guess I`ve answered your first question, Yes we do. I had`nt been in touch as had problem with my BROADBAND for nearly 9 months, swines wanted nearly $400 just to come out and look at it, screw them.
I`ve had some similar experiences in my family life, I know its not easy, but being the better person and trying to get through the emotional pain in the past and showing you are willing to help shows you are a good person. It is easier sometimes to just shut them out, but you are kind of showing your Pa, that even though he did those things and has done to himself what he has, you`ve come through that period and have`nt just walked on by. I can imagine the internal battle at times but as long as he does`nt take your help for granted I would say its the best option. At least you can look bach and say, even through the past damage and memories I did my best and have no reason to hate myself for doing it. I`m sure you`re Pa understands now the fool he had been by your positive and caring attitude.
I know what you mean about DS, I think it can be cathartic and helpful sometimes, but there is a danger you could spend hours each week sapping your emotional energy, relating to others without moving on and getting on with loved ones in life.
I know after I look up DS on NARC and do any replies I feel drained afterward. But its good to know those links you have forged are there if you need them, however long ago it was, like a best friend who lives too far away to be in touch too regularly, but when you do you do not feel any awkwardness or any less close. Anyway, you look after yourself, try not to let this stress you and make your life and NARC any more complicated. If you are like me it makes my condition worse, almost unmanageable. I`m just getting together myself after I nearly lost my DAD a year ago, he had a VT, ventricular tachacardia attack, the blood to the heart just stops as it is pumping too fast and hard. The shock of seeing him die in my arms for those couple of minutes and the effect on my mother and his recouperation effected me badly, truely I don`t know what day it is sometimes. But thats life, I guess, I`m going through \"decent\" patch at the moment, so thought I`d say hello, all my love Ashleyxx