Wondering if anyone really reads this stuff...

I was just wondering if anyone really reads what others have to say. I used to. I just find that I don't have time anymore to enjoy things like this.After 12 years I started to hear from my father again. He was a violent alcoholic. My Mother stayed with him until I was 14. I tried to see him over the years and it was just never able to be civil. The last time was 12 years ago. He called me out of the blue about 2 months ago. His wife had just passed a few weeks before. I think he realized he was 70, alone, and afraid. He said he wanted to make things right again and has put my sister and I back as beneficiaries to his estate. Such as it is and all. You have to understand, even when not drunk, he was not a very pleasant person to deal with. I just think he can't help himself. He has low self esteem and what many would call "short man's syndrom". He is just very mean.I have been treating him very nice. I even sent him a Christmas gift. It is hard to stop having memories pop into my head of the horrible things he put us through. Some physical pain, but mostly the emotional pain and scars that just won't heal. I try to tell myself that it was another place and another time. That didn't really happen to me. It all really did though. Now I have a brave face on and keep giving him kind words. His sister just passed. I sent him a note about that. I am not trying to be a saint here. I am just trying to do what I think I would want if I were alone and realizing I had not done the right things in my life. God forgive me for hating and loving and not knowing where one starts and the other stops. Sometimes we think too much.