Wondering
A couple of night ago I heard through my motherly grapevine that my sister had become a floor dweller once again. She ocassionally falls on the floor and lives there for up to a few weeks at a time. For whatever the reason, my brother in law and her decide not to call for help, like get some medical people in there to help her up and find out why she is anchored. That, along with my Mom being alone...and alone with Spartacus yesterday for the first time since she got back home almost drove me insane with worry. Oh, I also had my review at work yesterday...anyway, I started getting very anxious as the day went on...worrying about my Ma, Sparky, Sparky with my Ma, My sister, all the world, etc...Oh, did I tell you that I'm a worrier? As I worried, my pain increased..my brain felt like it was on the edge of a seizure all day. :-( So I worried about that. Then I got home and found out that one of my many cousins had died...drove me into the worst anxiety attack that I've had in some time. My head felt like it was going to explode...BUT I didn't really have a seizure, kind of not...at least I don't think so. Now, are these a lot of bad things happening to me? Am I making things that happen around me MY bad things? Is all this stuff just made up in my head..really not that bad...just part of life? Not sure...it's hard to think today. Oh, I did get a good review...and do feel a little better this morn. I'll be ok here.
Replies
YOu're not imagining it. That's bad stuff. You may overworry, but you're set in that mode, and it takes a *lot* to reset out of it, as I know! And just letting people "live" on the floor is freaky. Much support to you. Slow steady calming breathing, Kel!
Ty Leo,
I want to say that I wasn't super close to that cousin but am close to many in his family. He was in his late 40's, so pretty young. I will try to breathe, just writing it helped some.
It is not you making things bad. I have been reading a lot of fibro articles from Fibromyalgia news today, and I feel a lot better about why I am this way. We are not alone in all of this worry and not being able to deal with stress and problems in our life. Everything I read shows that anxiety is very high in most of us followed by depression. It's due to our bodies being in a constant state of pain. No one was ever meant to have their body lite up with pain all day everyday. It affects our bodies and minds no matter how much we try to will it away. We can take some actions and pray or whatever it takes to calm ourselves down, but it's inevitable that we are going to stress more than a person with no pain. Honestly, everything you said sounds just like me, and how I am with what I call my snowball life of stress. I feel like I cause it all on myself, which is probably why I take more shit than I should from my husband. I'm praying for you, and I'm sorry for your family's loss, and your sisters problems. I really feel for her.
Sorry for your loss, Kel. I agree with Leo, it's not in your head, you are just a big worrier. I also agree with Twin that our anxiety tends to run a little high to begin with. Letting someone live on the floor just isn't normal. Especially with what your sister has been through. It is very natural to worry about your mom and your mom with Sparty. I am glad she had a good day though. Does she have an alarm (we call it link to life) that if she should fall or feel really ill she could press a button and help would come? If not, you might want to look into one (it's through our county office for the aging here in NY) and that might help alleviate some of your stress.
Out of everything with this illness I hate the anxiety the most.
Hang in there Kel. We are here if you need us.
Thank You all for the support and advice,
I know that we all have times where things seem more hopeless, but it does help to know that I have you, my fibro friends, behind me. I'm doing a bit better this afternoon...breathing and trying to bury myself in work. It helps that Gin is with my Ma and Sparty....life goes on.
Thanks again,
Kel
Getting in here late, Kel....but yes, you are going through a lot of hard stuff. I'm the queen of worry, so I understand what you are going through. As for your sister....I went through a time in my life when I was hiding under sinks I was so depressed. I ended up in the University of MN mental hospital for 5 weeks. Your sister should be in the hospital, but that is not your responsibility. Her husband should be handling that. Sorry it worries you so much. You will be in my prayers. Congrats on the good report at work. Good job.