Wondering
I ask myself if the predictability of SAD is a blessing or a curse. I can somewhat prepare for it and schedule my life around it. But knowing exactly what is coming at exactly what time brings an eerie sort of 'fated' feeling. Despite knowing what is coming, you can't escape it. You're just laying bound and gagged on that railroad track watching the lights of that train growing closer, hoping it won't hurt too much this time.
My exact thoughts when I was calling my psych's office to get an earlier appointment: "Here we go again."
I even felt reluctant to call. I don't want to admit it's starting again. I want to stay normal a little longer. I want summer to stretch a little further. I want to be able to fix my own problems.
My exact thoughts when the assistant told me my psychs schedule is packed before my original appointment mid-october: "I can't last that long."
I felt frightened. Thinking I would have to go on like I am now for over a month. I know I can't do it. I need help.
No healthy person can imagine the inner turmoil and conflicts of a person struggling with depression.
My exact thoughts when I was calling my psych's office to get an earlier appointment: "Here we go again."
I even felt reluctant to call. I don't want to admit it's starting again. I want to stay normal a little longer. I want summer to stretch a little further. I want to be able to fix my own problems.
My exact thoughts when the assistant told me my psychs schedule is packed before my original appointment mid-october: "I can't last that long."
I felt frightened. Thinking I would have to go on like I am now for over a month. I know I can't do it. I need help.
No healthy person can imagine the inner turmoil and conflicts of a person struggling with depression.
Replies
That\'s nicely written. I don\'t know why, but reading the thoughts of another person who describes depression from personal experience makes me happy.
Same here. It\'s very comforting to know that you\'re not alone in your thoughts or feelings. It\'s the biggest help I get from being on DS. I\'m happy I can give it to others, too. :)