Woke up with tears this morning.
Missing the X. Because I'm still so desperately in love with him. It's been several months since I've had a grieving episode, so I guess I was overdue, lol. Not pleasant waking up to a wet pillow though.
But now that I'm semi-awake, lol, I'm looking forward and feeling much better about stuff. (I'm working on a second coffee, so I apologize for any missed typos, lol.) Since Claudia moved away, I'm isolated again because all my other friends are married and busy. I knew I'd be here in this place of my life... wanted it and yet dreaded it at the same time. Wanted it because it gives me an opportunity to get working on my crafts again, which I have; become comfortable being alone, which I'm starting to enjoy; dreading it because it's a reminder of those insecurities. Not to mention the safety factor of being alone in the forest - GF&P announced recently that they've upped the estimated number of mountain lions out there to 300... And since the hills are around 300 square miles, YIKES. One lion per mile! But the good news is that my panic attacks have stopped - facing your fears head on shrinks them down to just about nothing, so I feel like I can breathe again. I started exercising again too - I've made myself a "resolution" to be as fit as I can possibly be by New Years... and since I finally feel like I've gotten rid of a lot of baggage when I dealt with this neighbor situation - this "resolution" actually looks doable! So now I've got choices.... immerse myself in my art which will be a whole lot of fun because my favorite season is coming... or get out there, meet people, and see where it leads.... but first, a bike ride in the canyon for that exercise...
I would LOVE to just hide away for a year in my crafts, but have a minor problem. My dog sitter got too freaked out by the neighbor, so now I'm back to nobody to watch them when I have to go out of town for work. I guess worst case scenario is gonna be a boarding kennel - which I hate to do because Sadie would FREAK - she'd been in the shelter twice and would think I abandoned her. So I guess I still need to get out there - see if I can find someone else willing to watch my pups at my house from time to time, work on opening myself up to new friends as well. And in the process teach myself how to trust people again... Oh yeah! I forgot - I volunteered to be a driver for the 50 mile mountain bike race in 2 weeks - gonna be hanging out with LOTS of people who I've known for a long time - I bet one of them might be able to help me out!
Today is gonna be a great start - it's 50 degrees this morning and because of the drought some of the trees have begun turning just a little. Looks like the Muttleys and I need a little walk in the forest today first - and yes, I've got my hot pink pepper spray, lol. LATER!
But now that I'm semi-awake, lol, I'm looking forward and feeling much better about stuff. (I'm working on a second coffee, so I apologize for any missed typos, lol.) Since Claudia moved away, I'm isolated again because all my other friends are married and busy. I knew I'd be here in this place of my life... wanted it and yet dreaded it at the same time. Wanted it because it gives me an opportunity to get working on my crafts again, which I have; become comfortable being alone, which I'm starting to enjoy; dreading it because it's a reminder of those insecurities. Not to mention the safety factor of being alone in the forest - GF&P announced recently that they've upped the estimated number of mountain lions out there to 300... And since the hills are around 300 square miles, YIKES. One lion per mile! But the good news is that my panic attacks have stopped - facing your fears head on shrinks them down to just about nothing, so I feel like I can breathe again. I started exercising again too - I've made myself a "resolution" to be as fit as I can possibly be by New Years... and since I finally feel like I've gotten rid of a lot of baggage when I dealt with this neighbor situation - this "resolution" actually looks doable! So now I've got choices.... immerse myself in my art which will be a whole lot of fun because my favorite season is coming... or get out there, meet people, and see where it leads.... but first, a bike ride in the canyon for that exercise...
I would LOVE to just hide away for a year in my crafts, but have a minor problem. My dog sitter got too freaked out by the neighbor, so now I'm back to nobody to watch them when I have to go out of town for work. I guess worst case scenario is gonna be a boarding kennel - which I hate to do because Sadie would FREAK - she'd been in the shelter twice and would think I abandoned her. So I guess I still need to get out there - see if I can find someone else willing to watch my pups at my house from time to time, work on opening myself up to new friends as well. And in the process teach myself how to trust people again... Oh yeah! I forgot - I volunteered to be a driver for the 50 mile mountain bike race in 2 weeks - gonna be hanging out with LOTS of people who I've known for a long time - I bet one of them might be able to help me out!
Today is gonna be a great start - it's 50 degrees this morning and because of the drought some of the trees have begun turning just a little. Looks like the Muttleys and I need a little walk in the forest today first - and yes, I've got my hot pink pepper spray, lol. LATER!
Replies
Take care and be careful. Would hate to hear about lone woman with her dogs being attacked by a mountain lion on a trail in the woods.
So sorry you woke to missing your ex so much. That is tough, but good to get some more of the mourning process done.
I hope you do manage to get out and meet someone else who will help you with your dog sitting, especially now that you have triumphed over your neighbour.
Honey, let me draw something to your attention here. You wrote: \"...which I hate to do because Sadie would FREAK - she\'d been in the shelter twice and would think I abandoned her.\"
We sometimes have a tendency to PROJECT our feelings onto our pets. Are you sure these aren\'t YOUR feelings of having been abandoned coming to the surface?
On this note, if ALL of your dogs have to spend a couple days in a boarding kennel, insist that they be kenneled TOGETHER. My guess is, Sadie won\'t mind if she\'s with her buddies.
I hadn\'t thought about putting Sadie & Deeder together! I\'m definitely going to call around to the kennels and see which one will work out best... thanks for that!
Hike was AWESOME... no lions, but a whole lot of cows, lol... had to watch where I placed my feet (cowpies). Plus I ran into my X\'s friends (the rich ones, lol) and had a nice talk about our respective doggies, AND, got lots of crafting done. Life IS GOOD! :)
Sounds like you worked out of that one nicely! Sounds too, like you live in a beautiful, albeit slightly scary, place. I love my crafts too, I was supposed to go to the beach today but opted out to stay home and make jewelry on my deck...
Life IS good! Awesome!!