WOE IS ME....
WOE IS ME..Did I spell that rite?Sure hope someone got some cheese and crackers to go with this here Whine...See I done gone to the Doctor again... Yeppers...He didn't seem to much listen when I told him I thought this pain was a..inflamed disc, or maybe several...even those buggers in my neck been givenme grief since that last fall...So he ask me if I was havin any pain...I said yeah the kind that when you get up to move the pain so bad ya pee on ya self...He look at me and ask me if I'm havin problems with my plumbin...Heck no Doc... just it hurts so bad to move ya kinda ya know dribble on yaself...Well he don't know...Maybe I aint had of told him just how bad the pain was... Is the pain any better... I told him Yepp least I aint peein on myself..He looks confused...Okay now I'm confused...See this is the way I grew up... Pain has been a part of my life since I was Seven years old...It came in all kind of forms... broom handle... hoe handle... water hose... then long handle forks...still remember the rythm of being tapped on the head while I washed dishes... (boy if ya dropped a glass....) too bad they didn't make plastic glasses back then...oh yeah there was that wire flyswatter handle...now a flyswatter might not sound so bad... but it depend own which end ya lookin at...Some one once tolld me the worst is a coat hanger... well gee what's the difference...wire is wire... grandma to lazy to stretch out a coat hanger and twist it into something to beat my little butt with... sides flyswatter saved money...don't have to buy a new coat hanger...It's hell on them flyswatter tho...Sides I was talkin about PAIN...Oh yeah I didn't get no good news... guess that's why I got the Woe is me complex... Hey least it don't cost no tax dollars... I'm tired...I had night mares all nite last nite... one after another...one was fightin with my granddad cause he didn't stop grandma from beatin my ask.. another fightin with my grandma cause she was so dam mean...then one was loosin someone I loved because they didnt' want to be with a cripple up old fart...I reall wanna cry... just the tears wont come...I'm prayin and hopein... whinin...wishin...Least the coffee's good ... see ya can find something good everyday.. rite...?Once many moons ago.. it was on a sunday mornin... we lived just across the street from a church... catty whompus to a little gas station store... yepp had a coke machine... 6 cents for a Coke...in a glass bottle mind ya...ya could get three cents for returnin the bottle...so hey.. two empty bottles was worth a cold one lol...oh any way... this sunday mornin... I was outside.. and I hear some kids singin... so I crossed the gravel road... and went up to the window and listen to the song they was singin...Jesus loves me yes I know .... cause the Bible tells me so...Hey..I got to wondering who this Jesus was they was singin about... so the next sunday I ask my mom if I could go to sunday school...She said yeah so I did... I went to sunday school... all by my little old lonesome...Crazy as it may sound...I don't remember much about after that... but I remember that one sunday school...Nope I hadn't even started school... so my memories are kinda scattered...bits and pieces...crazy huh...See back then I was in Mississippi, with my dad and step-mom..only I didn't know she was my step-mom...she was the only mom I knew... and she was a great mom...couldn't tell ya the times I hid behind her skirt to keep dad from spankin my butt for something me and my brother got into... well most the time dad only blew his cork when we played in the paint... and once when i pushed the lawnmower into a bed of hot coals left over from burnin leaves and tree limbs.. Yepp it burnt off the wheel... and I got three licks...Dad didn't beat no one, he didn't even spank everytime..Oh well least the first six years of my life was filled with love ....dang...don gone as wondered off from my self here...Okay that doc I saw yesterday... he like tell me that back on the first day of Jan...when I went to the emigency room... the took a CT..(what ever that stands for)...and they found some (sounds like le-johns) so I can' t spell.. that's why I like pictures.. on one of my Kidneys...might me serious might not... then he shows me where they found some kind of tumor on top the other kidney where there is a gland... and the tumor is on that gland...so a long story short he says i need to do a 24 hour Urine specimen...course with my hearing I thought he called me a name... (your an....what...?)So doc he gettin smarter by the minute... he tells me I gotta pee in a jugg...FOR 24 HOURS..HUH?I can't drink that much beer doc...Will tea work.. water or milk...Dam that a big jugg... it's got a place to write down when ya start and when ya finish...Well tis aint gonna take long...nope.. okay I thru with this ....movin on doc wants to do a MRI...so he calls someone on the phone.. and well my butt to wide so I'd have to got some ninety miles to find a machine big enuff for me.. so well maybe this spring...now what..go do some blood work..we gonna give ya some muscle relaxer...do some test that gonna hurt like all get out... gonna send ya to physcial therapy...blah blah blah......Well its dark thirty when we leave the Clinic..DJ... he says I got three words for ya DAD..What...!OLD COUNTRY BUFFET....!me i ask ... you buyin...?Dadddddddd.....!Well I don't feel like cookin...so hey...I had a piece of steak.. dirty rice..chicken..Salad..and a diet coke...12 buck.Boy he like had three or four plates..of food..and then the got some puddin and cookies.. and when he finished the the went and got himself an Ice cream cone...it's like 15 degrees out and he eatin ice cream...Well dad I don't have to worry about it meltin lol...yepp I gotta smile...I like mention some of what the doc said.. DJ, he like well I hate waitin..then it dawned on me that haveing to wait while I was in the doctors office , waslike a bigger deal than anything the doc told me...how Cool is that...He wanted to watch the Diaster Movie... well it was a Diaster.. for reall... made fun of all the movies that came out last summer... but it was to volgar mouth to be funny...this generation needs to learn a lesson from Red Skelton... you can make people laught without cussin.. or being volgar...(did I spell that rite)Well guess I better go stockup on some milk tea, and beer.. cause tommorrow I'm gonna try to pee for 24hours ......(yeah I'm teasin) just in case ya don't know me too well..At this point I wish I lived like my dad... out in the sticks... never gone to no doctor, and when God cames callin... I'd just holleer ....HEAR I IS... later russ
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