wobbling

well, i am awake again really early-and feel glad to be able to enjoy so much more time than most people.the wee small hours of the morning seem to be my most creative time so its important that I organise myself to push towards my goals this time each day so that I am going somewhere= I need to get my shit together, and spend 3 hrs or so doing my "morning papers"its tough not having bryan immediately available, but he needs to be focussing on himself and not my issues.seems we've got into a loop wherein all our interactions revolve around my head / situation and it has sapped his psyche. we will always be friends-it's 39 years since we met after all!i had a depressed battery of thoughts last night, but hopefully it was just a cloud passing by. I'm not due to go down for another week or so, so I need to keep my defenses up and be super vigilant so I don't come crashing down if it takes me by surprise...so this Friday I will go to a meeting, Thurs got Adrienne, and Saturday try to get along to the Laughter Yoga.just so I've got some treats lined up.might rejoin Kiwi Dating now I've wised up about on-line infatuations.I can never understand my thinking when I look back at manic episodes.how could i have seriously thought X would come out here???trouble is I take people at face value.Got to be alert to camoflaged predators.maybe he has same prob-believes what he wants to believe plus has undying trust in his own magnifique destiny....well it has always been that way....and I guess my next sweetheart will present himself in a standardly dramatic way.I still feel hurt though, even while being able to go oh well what the fuck?hurt and still a bit-there's more to come from this affaire....-it isnt quite over yet...?blackbird pinking at a cat-love how birds tease them.this morning I will have a look at how I arrange my pix and as ever tidy and sort my neverending pile in my in-trayIm a paper magnet.got to go along to Hot Property and pay the power bill $30 pw is good forheater on all the time...pretty much.so-I feel good and writing out helps divert the blues.any creativity is goodneed to find a local PC fixit place.Nice-it's raining . love that soundlooking forward to John's Book Launch at the end of the month too.cant help thinking perhaps Mr Next will be there.I really operate best when I have a love r in my life.keeps my hypomanic self engaged.