Wit's end...

Way back on August first we kicked our second son out of the house. He has many, many months warning.  We were sick of the drug use (which he had stopped bothering to even pretend to hide), the lack of motivation (he was working but only 3-4 days a week) and the absolute disrespect. I would ask him to take his dishes to the sink (3-4 cups, 2 bowls and 2 plates stacked on his desk plus silverware) and he'd flat out tell me no.  He shouldn't even be eating in his room. I shouldn't even be doing his dishes - but I don't want ants or mice in my home. 

We actually were going to kick him out sooner, but he begged me to give him an extra month so he could save money and get his drivers license. He didn't get his license and he blew his entire savings on camping equipment and a new laptop. Um? WTH?

My son and his girlfriend (at the time under age) live in the woods on private property.  They have been shooed out of at least one other property before this one by the local sheriff's department.  I'm sure the owners of the property where they are now likely don't know or approve of their squatting there, but I haven't gotten involved one way or the other.

Several times I have talked to him about options. We have offered to pay for him to go to college. We also know we are in an expensive area to live, so we have offered to help offset his cost of living if he will come up with a reasonable amount on his own. Nope. He refuses. He also refuses to quit using drugs or to work more hours. In fact, he now ONLY works 2 days a week.  He says any more than that stresses him out. He's not even working 8 hour shifts!!

Well, living it up in the woods and getting help with food from the food bank was great when temps were 60-85 degrees.  Guess what?  The rains have come, along with plummeting temperatures.  The food bank has said they will continue to help these two, but only if they fill out proper applications for assistance.  Neither has. 

Tonight I got a text from his GF's phone (he lost his before he ever moved out and we refuse to replace it) begging me to come get them because they were soaking wet and cold. It was midnight. Grr.  My husband said we should tell them tough titty, but I suggested I take them to the girlfriend's dad's house as a compromise.  Since Huz was out working, he offered to get them and just brought them to our house, instead. 

I am at my wit's end. The GF doesn't work. She is now 18 but hasn't graduated yet.  She is welcome to stay with her dad, but he isn't keen on having my son stay there.  Clearly, I don't blame him since I don't want my own kid in my home, either. 

My son won't even look into a room mate situation (literally the only thing he could afford in this area and he can't really afford even that unless he pulls his head out of his butt and starts working more.)  No one looking for a housemate wants a COUPLE - they want one person who can swing the bills on their own.  Son won't get a place if GF isn't welcome, too. 

I don't know what to do. The past has shown us that letting him stay with us does not help - it only enables him to take advantage of us and not work or better his own situation.  On the flip side - it's 35 degrees out right now and likely to start snowing before the sun comes up.  The weather is only going to get nastier before summer rolls around again, and I don't want him to die of exposure. 

For tonight, he and the GF are camped out on my living room floor, but tomorrow this needs to be better resolved and I have no solution. 

Over and over he says we are punishing him for not holding the same values as he does.  That's such bull.  He is making his own choices - and being expected to live with the consequences. 

When I was 19 and pregnant, my mom flatly told me I was not welcome to stay with them after the baby was born. I had already overstayed the time I was supposed to be with them between college semesters.  I didn't feel like my mom was punishing me - I knew that I was in the situation I was in because of my own choices. Why can't my son see that in his situation??

Ugh. I know that Radical Acceptance would be a great skill right now, but I can't help but whine a frustrated "WHY?!?"