Wishing August Moms Peace!!
August 8, 1987 was the happiest day of my life, Ryan was born at 4:15 on a Saturday... 4-15, 2006 on a Saturday, was the worst day of my life, Ryan went to heaven..
As I was looking at the August list of Moms and your precious Childs name, with either an (A) angel day or a (B) birthday next to it... We all are going through the pain in so many different stages of our grieving process.. I say process, b/c each year is another year of processing, as we learn year to year how to cope with the loss of our son or daughter...For me its been 6 years and 4 months since Ryan went to heaven...I must say it does get bearable. i have processed over 6 years of b-days, angel days, holidays, all the wonderful memories we had together, will always be in every fiber in my body, the LOVE has grown So deeply in my heart and soul... The feeling of Missing Ryan and the thought of never seeing him walk in our house, him driving by me in the car waving at him as he goes by me, hugging him, laughing with him, telling him how much I love him, etc...MAN, its the most excruciating pain I ever had to endure, the worst ever...I must say each year I get stronger, I talk to him, I ask him for signs so I can get through another time of sadness...He gives me signs when I need them, he shows up in my dreams. Some are as real as if he is telling me he is still alive...We had a special bond as if we were as ONE...
Ryan will forever be 18...August 8th he would of been 25...My daughter Erica was 14 when her brother left us, now she will be 21 on September 5th...Unbelievable!!
My cousin Kathy and I went to the beach where we scattered Ryans ahes... We wished him a happy 25th birthday, talked to him and of him. We threw a Red rose in the ocean, it kept coming back to us of course, we took a couple of pictures, it was peaceful... For some reason it was the day after it all hit me hard... I'm still trying to get through the sadness...
For my sweet august Moms who are either celebrating your Childs birthday or angel day, I wish you Love comfort and peace with all my heart!! I love you all, Kelly
As I was looking at the August list of Moms and your precious Childs name, with either an (A) angel day or a (B) birthday next to it... We all are going through the pain in so many different stages of our grieving process.. I say process, b/c each year is another year of processing, as we learn year to year how to cope with the loss of our son or daughter...For me its been 6 years and 4 months since Ryan went to heaven...I must say it does get bearable. i have processed over 6 years of b-days, angel days, holidays, all the wonderful memories we had together, will always be in every fiber in my body, the LOVE has grown So deeply in my heart and soul... The feeling of Missing Ryan and the thought of never seeing him walk in our house, him driving by me in the car waving at him as he goes by me, hugging him, laughing with him, telling him how much I love him, etc...MAN, its the most excruciating pain I ever had to endure, the worst ever...I must say each year I get stronger, I talk to him, I ask him for signs so I can get through another time of sadness...He gives me signs when I need them, he shows up in my dreams. Some are as real as if he is telling me he is still alive...We had a special bond as if we were as ONE...
Ryan will forever be 18...August 8th he would of been 25...My daughter Erica was 14 when her brother left us, now she will be 21 on September 5th...Unbelievable!!
My cousin Kathy and I went to the beach where we scattered Ryans ahes... We wished him a happy 25th birthday, talked to him and of him. We threw a Red rose in the ocean, it kept coming back to us of course, we took a couple of pictures, it was peaceful... For some reason it was the day after it all hit me hard... I'm still trying to get through the sadness...
For my sweet august Moms who are either celebrating your Childs birthday or angel day, I wish you Love comfort and peace with all my heart!! I love you all, Kelly
Replies
August IS a good month. It gave us our boys, yours 25 and mine, 35 this year. All FMO know how sad birthday can be. We will always feel sad on that day. I am glad that you were able to find some peace in your day at the water edge. It is a comforting endless path. We celebrated Cory with a river ride with snacks, drinks and music. There is something comforting and calm there for us for Cory loved the waters here. It is good to know that you are stronger. Continue the climb to a happier place but it is also alright to have a bit of sadness here and there as long as we don\'t linger there. Hugs dear MOM, Peggy
My dear Kelly...that was a fabulous journal....I can just picture that rose coming back time after time.. Love ya!!
I love the hope that your journal offers to those of us not quite as far along the path as you are. It\'s been three agonizing years for me, but you are right ~ it does get easier and each day is a process ~ retraining our hearts to nurture a new relationship with our precious children. Going to the beach to commune with Ryan and tossing in the rose is beautiful beyond words.
Sending much love and hugs of support as you bob back up to the surface, rejoicing that Ryan still does communicate with you in very tangible ways ~ Debbie
Kelly you have said it so right. We get stronger but the hurt never ends. Love and hugs. Terry
Feeling you....loving you.....
With YOU and our August loves... Navigated the day and just knowing that I\'m not alone and that each of you here understands brings me some peace and comfort.
Gentle care dear Kelly as we travel this path hand in hand and heart to heart.
Loving our sonshines with every breath. RYAN and DOUGLAS!
Tight hugs and a big smooch too!
XO Joanie
I just deal with each passing yr a little differantly but still depression sets in for months because of the hollidays and Mike died on 12/20 so Chistmas is very hard, then his birthday in Jan so after that I try to pull our of the depression of the holliday and events syndrome.
Sending big hugs your way for your August ~ Penny
Kelly, this is a beautiful entry and tells our stories of the journey that no one ever wants to embark on. The symbol of love..the rose that kept coming back to you..just as your love goes to Ryan and will forever come back to you from your heart to Ryan\'s and back again. The love endures...thank you for reminding me. I needed to hear this today as Ed\'s angel date & his birthday are approaching; both in September. Love and peace, Linda
Kelly, I love the sentiment to August moms. I am an August mom too but chose to journey alone this year. Your journal was refreshing outlook on the reflection we are all facing. Thank you.
With love,
Leda
I love you, Kelly!